Again a night without sleep...

goodness gracious..
It's 4 M IN THE MORNING..
My head numb and spinning...
There are just some more work to do...
But I don't blame you...

wizard of the paradox cast it spell...
the vanish the load that beyond repel...
I'm a joke...
don't even have the guts to look...

Summer just ended...
Flower started to be faded...
I never get the chance to even see it...
feel it...

it passes by...
a journal of life...

http://budokmilo.livejournal.com/

World Biggest IDIOT

Every one is out there to night, watching movie with friends and love ones...
me?!? Stuck here in my 4 wall and 6 level of aggravations...
and whole stack of exam papers to be mark...

I can believe I 'm such a fool to actually give chances after another to some one....
who again and again broken their promises....

Shame on you, if u fool me once...
Shame on me if you fool me twice....
Shame on my idiotic self if i been fooled again and again....

Being scolded with the "F" words on my face...
Being spilt on my feet by the parent during sports day...
Being curse and swear by the management on my 1st day here...
I must be an idiot to take up this job...

Lucky thing i found peace in the place I once hate...
I found happiness in the occupation I once hate...
I really hate my teachers...
My be that what make me a different one...

peliknya dunie ni... ape yang kita benci... kita tiba tiba suka....
haiz...
apalah nasib...
wahai komputer...engkau jer lah yang tahu segala isi hati ku....
hahahaha...
Aku ni dah giler agak nya....
tido lah... moga esok ok lah hati ku ini.....

Smile

The only thing that kept me in one piece is the sound of children laughter and hyper voice...

Totally out of my mind today...
Can't even pull a smile when I heard know bout the issue...
WTF... my patient really outrage...

But being me no matter how bad a person treated me...
I still forgive them...
forgiving is what make me the person I am today...
Thanks to the children I learn to shift quick...
I can't just bring my sad face all day...

It hurt...
It really hurt...
when the person u trusted the most betray that trust...

It really scary if I lost it...

once... there are some one there to calm me down...
hold my hand and I feel calm...
"V"-thanks for the moment in time...
now she is with some one else... and I'm all by myself...
Striving every moment in time....

what past is past...
what present to me is what it is...
what is in the future... is unknown...

waaaaa....I feel so bad now!! hahahahaha....

I just hope that the one in my heart now would forgive me for my behavior....
"Just as you are... Just as I am...
Our little imperfections that make us beautifully imperfect... "
Would you allow me to care for you...
hold you and I promise I never let go...
and love you till the end of my time....

my goodness... ok breath in... and out... and in... and out....

love got no reason...
love got no rhythm...
Kai you better get to school on time :)

My World

people ask me what do I wan in life...
I told them peace of mind... the serenity....
yet... day by day I get monstrosity...

The only reason I'm still here..
is because of them....
and that special some one I get to know...

no matter what's the answer...
Physically it doesn't matter...
but emotionally it will be something worth remembering...

as I have no idea how it started off...
"like" might turn to "love" if the path cross...
well, still I'm in the middle of a cross road...
wondering which path to take...
I'm just a human being...
in search of a life offered....
no more no less....

a memory that can't be erased...
a person that can't be replace...
we are special in our own way...

My World
I write this song once I hear the rhythm I compose in Garage Band...
The lyric sound a bit weird as it what I was thinking at that particular moment...

Erti Hidup...

Aku bertanya pada rakan ku...

apakah pendapat mereka tentang peragawati atau model...

jawab mereka... "Fake"..... palsu...

kerana yang menjadikan diri mereka cantik adalah jurugambar...

Itu pandangan mereka...

Dimanakah patut ku berdiri sekarang...

Dalam ranjau hidup yang penuh temberang...

hipokrit dan meterialistik ini...

Tiap hari kita mendiskriminasikan diri kita...

kita meletakkan diri kita dalam kategori tertentu...

kita tanda diri kita sebagai cantik, hodoh, gemuk, kurus, kaya, dan miskin...

masing masing ingin maju...

akhirnya saling berpijakkan antara satu sama lain...

Lihatlah betapa bodohnya manusia...

Agama menyuruh kite bersatu... tetapi malangnya antara agama... kita saling berperang....

Orang yang tidak beragama pun sama.... tiada bezanya...

Semuanya dusta...

apakah erti hidup ku ini...

Kepada agama ku taati...

kepada orang tua ku, ku hormati...

kepada darah daging ku, ku sayangi...

kepada manusia sejagat yang pentingkan diri sendiri... ku cintai...

...bingkisan masa lampau...

Sleepless....

What's going on...
Can't even shut my eye....
(T.T)
I'm tired....
really really tired....

Stay the Same?

Do I ever wish I were someone else?
Am I meant to be the way I'm exactly?
Do I ever say I don't like the way I am?

When I learn to love myself, I'm better off by far?

And I hope I'll always stay the same...

cuz there's nothin' 'bout me that I could change.

I think that I could be whatever I wanted to be
If I could realize, all the dreams I have inside.
Don't be afraid if I've got something to say,
Just open up my heart and let it show me the way.

Believe in myself.
Reach down inside.
Will love I find set me free?

Believe in myself, will I come alive?
Have faith in what I do.
Will I make it through?

Betrayed by my own best friends...

Left by the one I trusted the most...

Back stabbed by the person who I relayed on...

Hate by those I love...

Hidupku bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga...

Renap impian yang ku ingin capai selama ini...

retung segala semanagat ku yang membara...

hancur segala harapan yang ku ada....

berkecai segala bingkai kaca memori ku....

hanya Tuhan saja yang tahun sengasara ku ini...

"Chiwit nie.... chan ko~ tai mai dai... chan rak tear jing jing nie...."

Gelora Jiwa

Jiwa ku tersangkut di ranting dikala ku dibawa arus...

Arus pergolakkan dunia yang tak ku fahami...

Pelbagai dugaan halangan harus ku renangi...

Namun ku hanyut jua dibawa arus ini...

Demi wang dan nama...

Sanggup digadainya badan dan nyawa...

Apakah nilai badan jika ditukar wang emas permata?

Apakah nilai nyawa jika ditukar sohornya nama?

Aku tidak kisah pada pergolakkan dunia....

Cuma ku ingin perasaan insan dan manusia...

Yang melakukannya dengan gembira...

Gembira akan kesenangan hidup yang mereka peroleh dengan tutup mata...

Bayangkan seorang hawa bergambar dan menjalani hubungan terbuka...

Atas nama seni.... atas nama artistik...

Apakah perasaan ayahnya...ibunya...suaminya...atau pun anaknya....

Itu yang ku fikirkan sewaktu ku mengambil gambarnya...

Mungkinkah dia berbangga kerana disukai ramai...

Mungkinkah dia senang dengan wang ringgit yang diperolehinya...

Mungkinkah dia tertekan kerana itulah periuk nasinya...

Mungkinkah dia sedih kerana orang tak memahaminya....

fikiran ini telah menjelma dalam lubuk sanubari ku...

hasilnya... ku telah mencerminkan dia...

sebagai seorang insan yang tabah... menawan... cantik dan daif....

namun begitu... ku tetap rasa berat di hati...

Indah mata memandang...

sengsara dan pilu fikiran ku...

Ku berharap agar mereka gembira dengan pilihan mereka...

Ku juga berharap begitu untuk diri ku....

"Ku risau akan ketahanan ku terhadap godaan maksiat di dunia,

Ku risau syaitan diri ku terbebas dan ku hilang sifat manusia ku......"

Gelora Jiwa....... Kai...

"Prostitution is the first job existed in this planet earth - Written in most religious manuscript"

infidel of love

Infidel of love indeed I'm...

zetsubou wa amai wana... tozasareta sono tobira....
kokora ga.... senjou dakara... dare nimo oshienai...
nochi sae mo... moteasobu noka.... kowarekaketa... otogi no kuni de...
mune no oku ni... hashiru itami wo... douka zutto wasurenu mama de..

yasashisa wo shinji... subete wo yurushite....
itsukushimu you ni... tada.... waka chi~atte... waka ri~atte....

Can't kept the mind at peace...

and practice what I preach...

sitting here on a bride...

counting every second every inch...

I lost to my faith...

am I?

My head is messy now...

Who come to pull me out...

no matter how hard I shout...

people just pass me by without a doubt...

hm... look up...

stare at the dark cloud...

and listen to the wolf howl...

and chanting of my heart beat pound...

tomorrow the sun will shine...

trouble shall never find....

a place to hide...

I shall clear my mind...

I won't walked away...

I won't turn my back..

because I'm Kai that's the fact...

it a stage of life which I won't act...

but to be me myself till the day I'm dead...

I shall be honest in relation,

I shall never hide a single thing,

I shall be as transparent as possible,

I shall be reasonable, responsible and reliable...

grandpa...

guide me through this...

as u guide me through those darkest hour of my sins that tarnished my parent hope...

give me the strength to fight...

bless me with serenity...

so that there shall be light...

in this turbulence storm of love...

trapped with in the realm of angel and devil; De'Angel...

Protector of the King; Aegis...

Clown and joy of the town; BudokMilo...

And problem solver; Kai...

=======================================

Maybe I hang around here
A little more than I should
We both know I got somewhere else to go
But I got something to tell you
That I never thought I would
But I believe you really ought to know

I love you
I honestly love you

You don't have to answer
I see it in your eyes
Maybe it was better left unsaid
This is pure and simple
And you should realize
That it's coming from my heart and not my head

I love you
I honestly love you

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable
I'm not trying to make you anything at all
But this feeling doesn't come along everyday
And you shouldn't blow the chance
When you've got the chance to say

I love you
I honestly love you

If we both were born
In anoother place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours
And here I am with mine
So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this

I love you
I honestly love you
I honestly love you

Serenity

Serenity - the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled

Well people say the more you give in the more you see bout yourself...

There are still a lot for me to learn...

I send this to a friend... close friend to me she is... it may be other wise to her...

"Even the sun will someday faded...
who can tell what is fate what is faith...
for the soul that long for grace...
and the warmth of sweet embrace....
trying to find a way out of the dark cold maze...
the world...
sometime could be a lonely place...
but if you could just stop, look and take a deep breath...
see how a child see the world...
you will be amaze..."

Well lost in certain translation...

I spill out words kept in my heart...

only for the heart...

I have the feeling of guilt now...

on one end I'm out with someone else...

but in my heart is thinking of the other...

life is getting more complicated....

I have no idea how does it turn out this way...

I'm such a fool...

In search for nothing...

How I wish I could be in the state of serenity...

I back up too much in the past...

from now on when it's going get tough!

the tough get's going.....

Heart

It really hurt when I'm not able to tell the someone he/she is special in my life...

If just I can look into their eye and say "I love you..."

I missed 2 of my cousin birthday... I miss the family reunion dinner my sister planned...

I missed the dinner my friend cook... I'm missing the most precious time of my life....

Is it worth it? I ask myself...

Is it worth it....

Anotherday...

(=.=)

Strength...

The time now is 2:22am...

Still working on the project by the marketing site...

I feel like I have robbed away my kids time...

Argh... So many thing to do with so lil time left...

I'm no hero to take on this burden...

But some one gotta do it...

My friend ask...

Why didn't I quite when there are thousand time better offer then here?

I say there may be a lot of work here...

But it was the best thing happened in my life....

I never feel so alive... even when the work load almost suffocated me to death...

I feel so freaking happy... even most of the time I was disappointed by the management...

I felt the love... even thou rejection often serve around me...

My soul is happy here... even thou the physical and the mental state may be not...

The only best thing in my life

The only besting in my life lately is music... art....

The best tune in this whole damn world is the laughter of children...
The best moment I ever have is to share the moment with the children...

Today I scolded them, the next they greeted me with joy...
Today I let them down, the next day they lifted me up...

:)

Day out Saturday and Sunday

Kak Zaira Open House 10 Oct 2009 afternoon 4:30pm

Ex-colleague and Li Mong

Lilian, Mr Sah, ex-coll, Li Mong

Budok Milo nite out with the Awesome Threesome 10 Oct nite

The Lil' Devil

OMGoodness, HERSHEY's Sundae.

Budok Milo Jogging and Photo-shooting in The Park 11th Oct morning

SRJK (c) Mun Yee Canteen Day 2009

Well suddenly bring back some childhood memory... the songs...

tien xia de mama dou shi yi yang di, qing wa ect...

and bring back all the memory of the truant I did in primary school... ;p

awesome weekend, after all...

Fallin’ For You

Colbie Caillat - Fallin’ For You

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you

As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me

I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you

Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you

I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you (x2)

I’m fallin’ for you

Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh I’m fallin’ for you

Song Information

Released June 29, 2009
Recorded 2009
Genre Pop, Ballad
Length 3:34
Label Universal Republic
Writer Colbie Caillat and Rick Nowels
Producer Rick Nowels,John Shanks and Ken Caillat

Quote of the day...

"It's so tiring when I have to try so hard to make a person happy.. and to calm them down everyday when they're having a mood swing.... but I still do it...." Quote from Avie

FAITH of FATE

The time now is 4:39am... my eye still wide open... as my active brain cell keep on working their way to solve my work... In few hours time will be going out for a hike at one of the Gunung in PJ... later was invited to Genting Klang school bazaar...
Well my friend had invited me so can't let them down... but still my eye won't close... man... lucky thing I still have my sences and mindfulness clear....

Melody - Sheila Majid & 林宇中

Melody

Kau melodi yang indah

Menusuki jiwa

Tanpamu

Hidupku tak bermakna

多么实在的感觉 望着你的脸

这一刻 我到了被人遗忘的永远

Pertemuan yang tanpa diduga

像迷路的人找到回家的路线

Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama

Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama

Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua

Menderita tiada haluan

窝在我心里最动听的melody

Kau melodi yang indah

Menusuki jiwa

Tanpamu

Hidupku tak bermakna

多么实在的感觉 望着你的脸

这一刻 我到了被人遗忘的永远

Pertemuan yang tanpa diduga

像迷路的人找到回家的路线

Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama

Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama

Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua

Menderita tiada haluan

窝在我心里最动听的melody

Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama

Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama

Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua

Menderita tiada haluan

窝在我心里最动听的melody

Menderita tiada haluan

窝在我心里最动听的melody

Melody

I suddenly remember this song when I was typing the title for my previous post... I love this song....

Melodic...

Cross Road

Been Blogging quite often lately... Mainly because of my head got messy I guess... (>_^)
Hm... Today's weather is really warm... but my head is boiling...
Later in the evening... I can't help myself from getting 1 cigarette from "Iki" one of my colleague.
But I could barely finnish it... coz just after few puff... the feeling of guilt slowly arisen...

I guess this is human nature...
We first smoke.. then we feel the guilt to our health...
we drink till we drop... we feel guilty towards our pocket...
we have sex with others... we feel guilty to our partners...
GUILT...

I can't sleep... stll thinking about work.. finance... guilt... girl... basically every thing...
And this result to my active brain...
How much longer could I withstand this?

"Impian"
Malam ini ku mengenangkanmu...
Mencari erti sucinya cintaku...
Namun masih ku pendam di hati...
keabadian cinta ku ini...

Resah ku tak terkata kata...
Walau pun pernah kita berbicara...
hati ku kelam bak sang malam...
muncul siang jiwa ku tetap suram...

keindahan wajah mu terpapar indah...
di memori ku ia kekal memedah...
senyuman mu manis bak mentari...
menyinari hidup ku yang sepi ini...

Fidelity

I'm carving for a cigarette now. Gosh my many years had past... yet the feeling still exist... Alcohol? No thanks... else it will be another new addiction... oh man...

some time I wish I don't have a feeling at all...
a stone cold person...
but what would happen to the children...
the orphan... the old folk I have visited...

some time I wish my life would ended...
in a peaceful end...
but what happen to my parent...
my brother and sisters... hahahha... funnie... nak tak nak same banyak jer... bongek betui.... ("^.^)..

AKU NAK ROKOK!!

WHAT I HAVE DONE...

I lost my concentration...

My mind go numb...

My head is spinning...

Hy heart is hurt...

My soul is dead...

Coz my friend is lying in the bed...

What the hell have I done...

The family blames me...

curse me...

smite me...

This is what I get in return...

This is what happen to kind ass like me... huh??

God if u really out there...

Is this a redemption for my sins...

Feel like falling from ten thousand feet just to be hit by a train...

You tell the story about Noah ARK...

"Act of Random Kindness"...

what the hell am I saying I have no idea... need to get back to werk!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!

PS:

M is not your fault she didn't that...

is because the human in every one of us...

u dun have to end you life...

If I tell u I understand how u feel...

that mean that I'm lying...

I can't never understand...

cos that is what make me humane too...

MY LIFE RECALL

DEEPEST FEAR

"MY DEEPEST FEAR IS NOT THAT I AM INADEQUATE...

MY DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT I AM POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE...

IT IS MY LIGHT, NOT MY DARKNESS, THAT MOST FRIGHTENS ME...

I ASK MYSELF, WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS, TALENTED, FABULOUS...

ACTUALLY, WHO AM I, NOT TO BE...PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T SERVE THE WORLD...

THERE IS NOTHING ENLIGHTENED ABOUT SHRINKING SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE WON'T FEEL INSECURE AROUND ME...

====================

Love begins with a smile,
Grows with a kiss,
Ends with a tear.
When I was born,
I was crying and everyone around me was smiling.
I shall live my life so that when I die,
I'm the one smiling and everyone around me shade tears of happiness.

========================

If I just worry about the big picture,I'll feel powerless...
Start right away doing whatever little I can do.
To give joy to one person in the morning,
and remove the suffering of one person in the afternoon...

"UGLY BUT NICE TO SEE"

-Kai-2006-AsiaWork Foundation

DISGRACE

Now I'm in over my head...

with something I said...
Completely misread...
I'm better off dead...

And now I can see...
How fake the world can be...
This hypocrisy is beginning to get to me...

This came long before...
Those who suffer more...
I'm too awake for this to be a nightmare...

What's with my disgrace...
I lost the human race...
No one plans for it to blow up in their face...

-Kai- Palindrome of Life...

K.A.I.

Diana Ross - If we hold on togather...

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

THINGS TO DO B4 I DIE...

In maths class today, the children were chatting bout what they wanna do, which kinda reminds me of John Goddard list which I have made 6 years ago.... If I can still rememeber clearly below are the items....

Explore:

Sungai Rajang, Sungai Kinabatangan, Sungai Padas (rafting)

Hike:

Gunung Kinabalu (annual activity:) till today is the 4th years), Banjaran Titiwangsa (almost lost my hand during the ab-sailing), Mount Fuji, Mount Cook, Mount Baldy

Visit:

The Great wall of China, Eiffal Tower, Pisa, Vatican City, Blue Grotto, Chichen-Itza, Taj-Mahal, Kathmandu (nepal), Mecca (if permitted)

Learn

Language: French (communication), Japanese (lost in translation [>.^]), Spanish (learning with one of the parent), Korean (half tank =P), Thai (well my parent speak thai =P), Arab

Handling: Rafting (done in sungai padas), Sailing (terlepas peluang during uni time in KK), Piloting (piloted a platipus, light weight aircraft in Kolej Tentera Udara, How i wish the licencing is cheaper now days :( so freaking expensive...), motorcycling, car drifting (Sabah racing centre and Bukit Bendera almost crashes my friend car), Glider, Parachuting, skate boarding, surfing.

Play: Violin, Guitar, Piano, Flute, harmonica, Play Canon in D on a piano, Play Clair de Lune on a piano...

Other: visit grand canyon, take photograph for national geography (like my uncle), married and have kids, owned a resort, compose a song, learn jujitsu, learn the way of shinobi, learn the art of samurai, learn the steps of drunken fist, visit FuJien, Ang Qiu where my ancestors from, volunteer on one of the UN aid (done it during the tsunami was send by UN with 90 other to Acheh), snorkeling, diving (my license die in Sabah... last dive in Sipadan... freaking awesome), sky diving, ice skating (hm..bleh try kat Sunway Pyramid).

The one in blue I've did it (>.^)... as life goes on my list shall goes on...

Impermanent: I'm a cry baby after all...

To all my friends out there......

I have nothing in this worldly...

I only have my noisiness...

If you are feeling lonely...

I'll bring the joyfulness...

giving you the warm heart feel...

Is not a big deal...

So you can feel the heat in chill...

Actually, I have to many minds...

But I kept it as mine...

If I show this sadness and frown of mine...

I'm afraid that you would just run away and hide....

If I care for a person...

I would make them believe...

That this world is full of wonders...

It doesn't matter what they have asked for...

as long as they are happy I'm all yours....

For love, I scarifies all...

-kai- "I'm a cry baby after all...."

Vindicated 2

Today, I didn't stay long at school. I went for my check up to get 2nd opinion and went back to SJMC with the report...

My gosh how doctor these day does their work... it's really scary...

"Mr Ooi we are so sorry our nurse mistaken you for another person. We have make full check up on your body and you are healthy. The only thing you need to jaga is you fat level in your liver..."

What about the part where the nurse say I need to be dissected??

"Oh like I say the nurse mistaken you for some one else...."

What?!?! I travel all away from Shah Alam to get second opinion and all you can say is "sorry".

(T.T)....I'm so frustrated... so I called my colleague... and jam on to the gym... goodness sake...

"Life is like a roller coster, it's trilling; is either I enjoy the trill or just scream crazily! I choose to enjoy the trill.... :)"

Forbidden Words...

Well I hope those who used this words knew this!

[F]orbidden

[U]n

[C]hrist

[K]nowledge

existed during the medieval age... used by witches to cast their spells... hm...

So next time when u say it loud and proud remember this....

2 Break-ups In 1 Day

Man, today is a very vary bad bad day for my friends...

Break-up 1:

My Uni friend was working as usual yesterday, IT line the week ends always the troublesome day. But, he would like to make yesterday a special one for his fiance. So he took early leave, when he reached home to his madness shock... she was in the bed with some other guy!

Call me up this morning, my head still blur so I just listen. He asked me for advice... I told him "Bro I'm not in the position to give u any advice, look at me..." He ask me again how will I deal with this kinda things...I say "Do u love her?.... Do you wan her to be happy?.... If she is happy with that guy then u decide what next...." The other detail of the issue... it really crappy...

Break-up 2:

At first I ask a friend to joint me to Desa ParkCity for a walk but but they have some other thing to do... So I called up my "X"... well she drove down to PeeJay. I pick her up and we went for a walk @ Desa ParkCity... While walking and enjoying the scenery there suddenly she started to cry...

OMGoodness... of all the place she cry here... so every freaking person there was looking at me thinking that what have this stupid fat ass done to the girl... so I calm her down we went to one of the coffe house near by... I get her he regular drink. So we sat and she started to talk. Her BF is moving to expand his career, will not be in town any more. Her BF sez "I hope u don't miss me... because I can afford to miss you any more... " I ask her did the guy asked her to joint she say yes... but she refuse to joint because she need to complete her master. I told her since both of you dun wanna give up ur career... so find other alternative like distance relationship... and this is the crappiest part where she brought up OUR RELATIONSHIP in the past... put a lil blame on me for not understanding her enuf...

Enough?? When will it be enough... people complain I dun have enough money... I dun have enough time... I dun have enough fun...bla bla bla... what is enough anyway...when will we start to satisfy with what we have and appreciate what is worldly ours.... Sex, the satisfaction only last for that moment so appreciate that moment in time... it's the quality that counts not quantity...yeah I know I'm a nerd... but this nerd care for every living things, his friends, his family... I have done something wrong remind me...

So finally I told her... for a couple to work... it's not about "I can't live without u" or "u can't live without me"... but it is about living together and sharing the moment... If u feel like I'm too cold let me know... and let us find the way together to warm me up and make u smile... So cheer up... since he is not dumping go back and work something out!

Well the lesson I learn today is...

Appreciate the peoples and friends... around me they are part of my life and without them I'm no more then a deadman...

I care for the people around me...

People may take it wrong sometimes...

But I care for them anyway...

-Kai- 4th Oct...

Blaze...

My heart is full and I can't explain...

I got a feeling but I doubt the feeling...

I like some one but not sure of the other side...

I feel sad at the same time feel bad...

In the end...

Feels like crap... haiz...

NO... is the most simple word which is hard for me to say

I just dun understand...

In troubletimes that I have....

Some how I always get reminded bout you, grandpa....

I know u are always looking after me...

I have been facing lot of problem lately...

As I promise u... patient...

Sometime feel like exploding...

but I keep my mind clear...

and my feat on the ground...

Grandpa is this my destiny?

to be a teacher...

in my mind... still keep on chasing me for a bigger job out there... overboard...

Walles...

My body in pain...

My face is smiling...

My heart is happy...

All I even wan is a happy family...

Prosperous life...
Be in contribution...

reason-able...

rely-able...

respond-able...

Life is how I accept it....

grandpa... thank you...

No lyrics
On my fifth birthday, I got so upset,
About the brand new bike, that I didn't get.
I'd prayed my heart out, and it didn't seem fair,
I told my grandpa, I guess God doesn't care,
And he just smiled, and said my child,

Make no mistake, every prayer you pray,
gets answered, even though,
sometimes, the answer is no.

Five years later, out behind the shed,
With a stolen pack of grandpa's cigarettes,
I struck a match, and held that first one to my lips,
And prayed to God please let me get away with this,
And through the smoke, I saw grandpa standing there.

Make no mistake, every prayer you pray,
gets answered, even though,
sometimes, the answer is no.

When I think of all the answers in my life, I would have to say,
There's no doubt it was always for the best,
When I didn't get my way.

Grandpa got older, like grandpas do,
His health was failing, and I guess I knew,
It'd be best if he was called on hold,
but selfishly I prayed that God would keep him hanging on,
And when he passed away, in my mind I heard him say.

Make no mistake, every prayer you pray,
gets answered, even though,
sometimes, the answer is no.

Sometimes, the answer,
is no.

CAN WE SHIFT THE HUMAN THINKING?

Human... will I ever change...

I tell myself never judge a book by it cover.... yet I still choose a book with nice cover.... I question people why they are not responsible...

yet what have I responsible for.... I claim that I know things... but in the end I do not know anythings.... Share what I have means "giving mine"...

Share what I don't have mean this is ours...

If every one see the same world as I do... It will be a boring world....

If every one see thing differently... It will be a disaster...

we may have different thought, mind and soul...

we can still share the view of a peaceful future...