A pening lalat day...

Some time I juz dunno I'm stupid or what...
Being nice but not appreciated...
still... die die oso nice....
but in the end it just break me apart...
haiz.. God... God...
Am I stupid?

I really hope I'm not that stupid...
Haiz.. wadever lah...juz continue living this live...

but really dunno how to face tomorrow...

but if tomorrow never come boring pulak...

pening me... haiz....

Can I just be the villain instead of the the good guy?

Can I just kill all the living soul?
CAn I just hurt all the human feelings...
CAn I just let hearted runs through me in stead of love...

Love is not productive at all... it suffocate me...

but yet I can't hate...

the i only time I stop loving ... is when I'm dead...why la u give me this feeling God...
It eat me up in side...
u let me meet with 5 wonderful girls just to end up with some one else...
did I treat them bad?
I know I'm abit naughty some time but I never never I betray the love...
and yet...some one take them away from me...
and tore my heart.... eaten up my soul...

it is veery painful...indeed it is....

I tried to reset and rewrite....

yet they are still in my mind that is how deep my love is for them....

how long will my journey of suffering shall continue...

I love You... I love my parent... I love the blood... I love Your creation...
Never once I doubt the greatness... so may there be many believe on You...
I dun belief in the religions christian islam ect.... because they create rules... and doctrine....
rule and doctrine are man made...

I believe in only You...
I belief in unity...
I belief in love...
I belief in sincerity...
I belief in loyalty...
I belief in modesty and honesty....

still human can;t live without rule... because the are good in broken it....
if You have the strength spare me to do the least that I can....
or at least... let love fills the world....

one after another...(T.T)

Dear lord...
How many more test are u giving me...

Pain in my head...

Trust the doctor??
Sometime the doctor trust the God even more then themselves..
would you go to that doctor??

birth and death

A life is born...
and others are taken...
who shall know when and where?

who knows who will come...
and who will go...
as life flow...

ends is always a pain to the livings...
birth is always a tear for the comers...

it's weird why we are still living in the living...
and wish not departed from this world....

the believe on heaven and hell...
are they really there... then where is it??

suspicious soul searching for answer...
seeking God existence by calling his name...

go to His house for some answer...
but found nothing in despair...

clueless belief...
what the book sez... they follow...
where the truth???

If I'm not praying to You will You send me to hell...
even I have suffocated in this world to ease others' pain...
orphans ... old folks....
even in those who pray to You but their life full of tragedy...
will You still bring them up to heaven???

It's getting far away...

I'm doing my best to keep it intact...
I'm doing what ever I can to safe it from wreckage...
I'm dun wan to se it burn down to ashes...
I wanna see it to gather again...
so close...
together.....

What in my life that is not working?

1) how I handle my personal feelings.
2) how I manage my financial issue.
3) how I take care of my health. (sometimes over work! too many excuses)
4) how I handle my sadness.

How to make it work!
1) Realize that I'm not a perfect human being.
2) acceptance of what's going on.
3) Life is short... be do have...

What in my life that is not working?

why put me in this situation?

It's kinda weird... Why do I always fall in love with some one who do not like me... In fact, Those that I never fall for, tells me that they like me... I don't wan to hurt them... neither do those who I fall for... they don't wan to hurt me... I just don't understand why? I'm jealous... I'm confuse... God, I'm doing my best to be a friend... I'm a weak human being... very very weak... I'm depress... Been surrender so many times... I'm angry... why do I have to solve so many problems... I'm in love... but no one would ever heard the cries of loneliness.... I'm really sick and tired of this feeling... but I keep on leaving... it is painful to fall in love... rather then spreading love... I love you... I really do... any way thnk you God... I have a great family... U make every one my friends.... I really hope u could show me the light to my lover... I really do right now...

Sloppy and snobby....

Lame.. I guess it's over...

It's obvious the it never happen...

But so many hope and dream are put in...

so many time heart and faith are broken...

so many lies are spoken...

But no truth in the words I could find...

No faithfulness in man all there is is crime...

Departed

Dear Kak Zaira,

The hardest part of any friendship is when it's time to say goodbye...
As much as we might like things to stay the same...
change is an inevitable part of life....
The universe may seem huge...
and the rift between friends on opposite side of the world may seem a great distance...
There are many tools available with which we can communicate ( contohnya fb (>.^) )...
but even without these tools there is a secret that only real friends know, and it is this....
All the mountains and valleys in the world cannot separate friends whose hearts are as one...

Regards
-Kai-

To Forget What I love

To forget what I love is difficult...

Because I will never choose to forget it...

I will keep it as a memory...

And set the burden free...

I might not being love by others...

But I still choose to love others...

Because I believe the world need it's balance..

so am I....

It my belief wrong??

No I don't think so...

Are there such thing as right or wrong....

what is fair.....

what is discrimination...

what is virginity...

what is honor...

what is good what is not??

in the end we are all different...

I can't ask you to follow me...

You can't force me to do thing you wanted me to do...

I have no right to say what you belief is wrong....

"UGLY BUT NICE TO SEE"

Love begins with a smile,

Grows with a kiss,

Ends with a tear.

When you were born,

You were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die,

You’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

==================================

If I just worry about the big picture,I'll feel powerless...

Start right away doing whatever little I can do.

To give joy to one person in the morning,

and remove the suffering of one person in the afternoon...

my way of life....

New Divine

I guess it is over...
For the world to roll over...
I got to stop...
may be the time is not it...
may be the tide is waving it...
may be "it" not there..

I just can stop and stare...
Got to stop thinking about it...
I hate people pretending to care about it...
ok fine...
I'll stop...
good bye miseries...
welcome mysteries...

set me free...
from my own clinch...
I forgive...
I'll never regret...

it's your choice... it's my life...
Give me new divine.....

Rewinds...

My dad never tells me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it....
My mom never treated me as an adult, to her I'm always her baby boy...
I've hurt them a lot when I was young...
They say "If we never get hurt... you will never grow...."
They love for no reason...
They scold for every reason...

荽萋

I don't know where you are...
But I know it's really far...
Because you are doing your best to avoid me...
I know how it feels...
Coz I'm avoiding some one else in my life to for the past few day...
trust me it's not pleasant...
I'm just creating more pain... within...
But I can't run away or avoiding any more...

may be she don't like me...
may be I'm not the person she wanna be with..
or may be it is just my luck being dump by girls...
hahaha... 4 times and counting...
my love life is weird...
I can't seems to be with any one... include you...
you left without reason...
that's which worries me...

I call... no answer...I meet ur parent... they say nothing... and chase me away...
I feel like a stray dong looking and bagging for love...
Does my face really make people hates me...
hahahha...

wat ever it is...
I'm really suck in relationship...

sometime the girl i love crack jokes that really hurts me...
it's a joke... but still... it hurts....
may be she is sending out a signal sez...
"hey buzz off fat ass!!!"
in a polite way...

Dear God if u are up there.. where on earth did I done wrong to the human beings??
I never hurts any one....

okay I know when I was you I'm the pain in the ass for my parent....
but...
I never hurt any one especially a girls heart... it this karma from my past life??
or izzit a redemption that I should made for hurting my parent heart when I was young....


nandayo~ (|||=.=)

a new hope.....

Leaving...

Where would I go...
I wouldn't know...

It's all just a memory...
Which I couldn't bare to carry...

I'm being as humane as I can...
I'm being as optimist as I can...
But yet I'm always fallen into the battle field of relationship...

I solve others problem...
But messing up my life...

Have I really change?
Have my faith shaken?

If there are such thing as hell...
Most probably I'll be send there...

Been seeing death in my dream...
Been feeling death in my dream...

I can't sleep...
Can't stop this emotion...

Feel like leaving...
To no where land...

melancholy

We all feel sad sometimes. Sadness is a normal emotion that can make life more interesting. Much art and poetry is inspired by sadness and melancholy. Sadness almost always accompanies loss. When we say goodbye to a loved one we usually feel sad. The sadness is even deeper if a close relationship has ended or a loved one has died....

Sadness also helps us appreciate happiness. When our mood eventually changes from sadness toward happiness the sense of contrast adds to the enjoyment of the mood.

Me? Argh... I just hate the feelings of being... I just can't help it... I guess it is the gene inside of me... if i love some one I love them dearly and deeply... If I hate some one it will be the end of the world for him/her... If I'm happy I will be crazily happy... if I'm sad... It'll be like the end of the world for me...

Bageeroo~ my soul is empty right now...

Not giving in nor giving up....

Just don’t give up...
I’m workin’ it out...
Please don’t give in...
I won’t let you down...
It messed me up...
need a second to breathe...
Just keep comin around...

Time for Miracles....

It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile

Every kiss I can't forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

I just wanna be with you
Cuz living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes

The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

Baby can you feel it
You know I can hear it
So can you feel me feel you....

You know it's time....

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love

You know I ain't giving up on us
You know I ain't giving up on
Oh I ain't giving up on us

(T.T)

I can't sleep... why this shit happens now not during the holiday....

gpa... i can still feel some bad thing lingering around me...

I tired... no one understand the pain I felt now....

feel like the spirit is laughing at my miseries...

feel like unleashing the devilist nature in me...

argh.....

Why?

Marie sent you a message.

--------------------
Subject: You #$% h#$%^!

Hei,

Did you ever wonder why Sui Kee never calls you back? Now I'm telling you. After all these years I've been looking and searching for you, and now I see you here! Sui Kee had a tumor in her brain. She was a heavy smoker too last time remember? Well, because of you moronic typically brainless self who didn't not find her she end up dating with this Malay Pig who screwed her for few month and left her pregnant. Now she is in Australia with her uncle.

You happy now with your new girlfriend?

Hope you do!
--------------------


My heart tore apart when I saw this message... It's Karma I guess... or what ever people with faith call it. Be what ever religion you are... where is hope when I need it... sensitive indeed I'm... It a past!!

I tried to look for her... but I can't find her... she won't pickup the phone... her parent won't let me know where she is.... I was split apart from nothing... no reason...

Now I know why... but she don't have to do this.... I will stand by her side! Sui Kee really looks like my friend the one I fall for? fuck the religious believer... it's not like they can unite the world... they can't even unite 2 human being!! christian, moslem and Buddha... it's all nothing but a way of separation... grandpa... you are closer to Him what is it that he is testing me about.... what is true what is wrong?

I control my anger... I work throughout day and night... I'm working my life to repay my parent... where else have I done wrong?

I love just to be hate?
I love just to be curse?
I love just to be blamed?
I love just to be used?
I loved just to be dump?

My soul is in agony now... lost...

Feel like wielding a sword and trust it to my heart... but life is a gift... which I should appreciate....

damn...

feel like a father, or Imam or monk who say "fuck you bitch!"

Tottered...

Life is short...
Kiss slowly...
Hug warmly...
Love tenderly...

I feels like "it" been away...
a call with nothing to say...
a smile but I was not gay...

as it goes around...
no new no reply...
feels like in the shadow u hide...
avoiding my eye...

it painful to me as in my pride...
you are no where to subside...
left me in the end of a glide...
I'm not one in your eye...

just another person who cry...
and begging for love and bride...
I may be oaky but I'm not...
I may be peaceful but I fought...
but the campaign are forcing me to the end of the needle...
suffocated with tears...

Hatic day siot.....

Oh my gosh....
what a hectic day......
what a headache....
so many freaking problem...
oh my... oh my....

lucky the children cheer me up and lighten my day... :)

New year to do list

1) No more smoking...
2) sit up 3 set of 10 every morning...
3) blood check on June 2010 and December 2010...
4) donate blood feb 2010, mei 2010, aug 2010, november 2010...
5) only 2 glass of ice water perday.... drink lot of warm water...
6) get a house by june...

what i hope to get...
reshape in 6 month...
a partner in life within this year... life short and passes quickly day by day....
convince dad to go to China's Hokkien Province to fulfill his dream (and grandpa)...

my hope for the world....
may peace be upon us...
may there be no more war...
may there be no more nature disaster...
may there be green and blue on earth... mother nature are beautiful... love her so much... If I die... it will be in her warm hug...

What a day for the 3rd day of new year....

Feeling a bit sad that I couldn't go out with the one I love... To her I'm just another normal friend...
Anyway, I went for a grocery hunt in Tropicana Mall... get some grocer done...

Later I received a call from Marie, a friend I meet during uni time... She a very pretty girl...
She invited me to her house so... since I was bored I drop by at her place in DU....
She bring me to a cafe near her house we sat down and chat... It's usual for me coz i'm always know as a good listener... ;p

She was sad... her boyfren dump her...
she keep asking me why after all the sacrifices she made for him... even her virginity...
yet the guy dump her... so i told her u should have dated me back then..;p
She smile for a while and the sad look filled her face again...

I told her... a guy will only dump a pretty women like her for these few reason...
1 - He found a prettier girl
2 - You cheated on him
3 - His jealousy reached a very high level of eruption...

I told her: Knowing you... u are a very socialize girl... u like to party... u like to hang out... but the problem all you fren are pretty boyz... all guy.... u hang out out with guys.... honestly even me I will feel insecure if my girlfriend went for an alcoholic drink with guys... God knows what happen next....

She sat down and keep quite... she asked me... why do u have so many friends... I told her I NEVER CHOOSE MY FRIENDS!!.... I just BE FRIENDS...so I have lots of frends.... I never choose who to be my friends...I even have a drug addict as friends so what??

you see, some people like to choose friends... oh that's your friend... oh that's my friends... we categorize each other friends... no wonder this world full of hypocrite.... let make friends with every one... introduce your friends to other so that u have more friends...

Moderation...

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