我听见有人叫你宝贝

Just a song about nothingness in the world.....

Just another heart broken song....

Just another feelings... no more no less... yet it's still a feelings... that being tormenting...

Worse Day Of My Life... so far...

Approx. 0900 am this morning I received a call.... it sound like...

"Hi, I'm xxxx calling from SJMC on behalf of Dr.XXXX,
Mr Ooi I believe that u need to come back to the hospital...
Dr. XXX found out in his diagnosis that u need a surgery.... " diagsag

NEED AN OPERATION!!!.... ("O_o)... ("T.T).... THEY WANNA DISSECT ME!!

What kind of JOKE is this!



I was numb...
my head gone hair-wired...
my mind "shut off"...
But I keep my smiling and bubbly face....

I guess this is what I get for being FAT!!
People hate me...
Doctor wan to dissect me...
Rumor going around me...
*_________*

Hey, I don't give a $%^&!
If I die... I die with dignity......
I climb the highest mountain...
Conquer my own deepest fear....
Do what my love the most...
And love unconditionally.... may it be ugly... smelly... dirty...
I'm being me...
No shadow...
No hollow...
No shallow...

As deep as my heart could be... that's me... 黄... 良... 界... Peacefully... Clam... World.....!!!

Prophet....

Prophet...
All my life I keep on asking for an Angel to be sent to help me...
But never do I realize...
Am I the ONE sent to rescue myself from my miseries...
I mean self realisation...
Am I the ONE sent to help the kid in need...
I mean as an educator...
Am I the ONE sent to help my parent...
I mean being their son...

Hm... world is more exciting beautiful if I look at it that way....

What I have learn from you...

When you talk I listen...
When you smile I learn to see the happiness in your eye...
When you walk I always by your side...
When you are sad I'll be your shoulder to cry on...

I learn to be patient when I'm by your side....
I learn to be soft and care for you...
I learn to give the luv I have...
I learn to appreciate every moment that we have...

I see the world differently...
I learn to live this life joyfully...
I learn to see the pain that other have...
I learn to see a man in me....

and i learn to appreciate the beauty in every living creature in this world...

My Cousin Wedding

For my cousin weddings photo please click on the image. (>.^)

JOGOYA-ing

Check out the photo in my Flickr Stream. Lazy to upload 1 by 1. =P

Quote of The day...

Eleanor Roosevelt. She once said, "Do one thing everyday that scares you."

Disturbia...

Today, mum here... bring for shopping... later we settle @ Jogoya. But what I would like to share today is about "Human Behavior".

While my mum was shopping, I was wondering around in the shopping complex... while i was walking my eye suddenly being caught by this act of a couple kissing each other in a corner in one of the restaurant... I was spell bounded because the girl is my friend (I don't know that guy)... and it even hurt my eye because she is marrying my friend end of this year (I got the invitation weeks ago)!

Few years back, we were in the same faculty, both she and my friend were such a loving couple... i envy them... but later I been hearing rumors about this girl... she is a very socialize girl fun to be with... but the disturb news which I heard was she had been sleeping with other guys... hugging other guys when they wen out without the present of my friend (her suppose to be boyfriend)... Over my head and heart, I confronted the person who say that because as I know her and my friend, they love each other... I told the person off... I even tell them "You do not have the right to judge a person unless you have prove!!!"

Today, darn it... I saw the girl sitting beside the a guy which i don't even know... it disturbing seeing the guy "touches" her... holding her hand and kissing her... it is sickening... Still in my heart i do not believe that she would do such thing.... I'm so naive... no wonder I was dumped!

To kill my curiosity I walked closer to see if it is her (just to be sure)... My gosh... it torn me even deeper in side when I'm sure it was her!!!

My heart fill with doubt and pain... should or should not i tell my friend!! ..............

I understand that a girl, like man to hold her... care for her and pamper her... make her feels warm... I also understand that, as human we have lust... even for guy... but about to get married, the boy friend is such a loving man willing to sacrifice... and here she is... I don't even wan to use the words... it really really hurts me...

Am I naive... am I stupid...

I'm confuse...

does Loyalty Obedient Vesture Eternity really exist?

Eastern Reign...

The land I proclaimed as home.....

This is where I belong...

This is where I come from...

No need to shed my tear...

Or face my fear...

So I don't walk alone...

Taking things on my own..

All of the land I roamed...

memories of my home....

They keep beating strong...

Coz this is where I belong....

Later in the evening I was sitting outside my house, under a tree, on a bench... feeding mosquito I guess... wondering... and day dreaming. My dad out of no where come out and offer me a Shandy, well he with his white coffee obviously (first time in my life my dad offer me an alcoholic drink). Well, we chat bot lot of things... my future of course... my work... my finance... girl... everything I never got a chance to talk to him about.

Some how I can feel he wanted me to come back and help him in his estate. But he never say it out verbally... geez, I guess aging really change a lot of human personality... hm... well, I guess the felt it (that he wanted be here) because this few day I have been helping him in his yard... May be he felt happy coz some one there with him... his son... helping him... But I can see it in his eye; part of him still wan me to go out and get some experience... I have been way too long away from home... this had been my 8 years out of my land... time flown by....

In the evening, it was hectic... my cousin is getting married tomorrow... we set up the camp... tables... chairs... he shaded tears when he sees all his childhood brother there... sweeting and helping him out.... I can still remember when we were young he was the one that took us to the river and get scolded by grandma... tomorrow he's the man!

The most messy part is the ladies in the kitchen.... nagging non stop... almost about every darn freaking thing that can nag on... hahaha... they almost trow a knife at me when i took their photo... well kind da sad when I think of my friends who can't make it here...

Tomorrow will be a very challenging day for me... as day time need to help out in my cousins wedding...nite time driving back.... gosh.... hope I have the strength to make it through tomorrow......

p/s: thanks for you time dad..... To all my aunties.... my pocket will still be receiving your angpow for next year and the year to come!! I was born "UGLY" i guess...

"UGLY BUT NICE TOO SEE"

Je t'aime... et toi.... encho... ma' belle....

My 15 Years Resort Plan...

Why do I wan to build a resort?
Simple, every day is a holiday.

Where do I plan to build my resort?
My home.

How do i plan to build it?
It's eazy...
I'll first start it off with homestay plan.
Getting people to know "my home".
Introduce them to good food, people and environment.
Then let it grow to become a domestic homestay program.
Get to know some people in the government.
Get financial advice.
Expend from home to larger living environment.
Finally and hope fully have a place for family to tight up their relationship...
friends to become lover...
lover to become husband and wife...
live happily ever after....
Fairy tale story?
Nope, I'll make it come true...

laugh all you can... ya it may sound like a joke... but I'm not joking...

Explicit

Be advice... viewer discription... lots of cursing and swearing... never had this in my blog or ever "greet" it to any one before... well I guess to day is one of those day.... disapointment...

Today is a down turning day for me... I try not to believe that this world is such a cruel place to live in... but again the society order prove me wrong...

It really hits me as I feel every one around me is trying to "get rid" of me.. but they can't because some how... I still hold some of their interest.... d@mn.. why must they have such feeling towards me... yet the feeling of needing me is there at the same time trying so freaking hard to get away and get rid of me?! Izzit because the way I look..I mean hei mother Terressa never say "oh, I'm not pretty I do not need to love the world"... or izzit because I'm to close with every one??

Jeez... hm... the world will never change I guess.... always the "Kiasu" tinggy hang on their forehead... in 10 years time trust me... when they look back.. their life are more patheticaly uglier... then the way i look...

There may be lot sa down turn in my life but I dun give a f#%k! Because I know I learn something new... I learn bout myself more...

The good I do today, people will often forget tomorrow...
Do good anyway...
Give the world the best I have and it may never be enough...
Give the world the best I've got anyway....
Love every one I know today, it doesn't mean they will react to it...
But I love them anyway...
It may sound nobel... not easy to do it... but I'll do it any way...

Homeward bound....

I reached home approx 9pm today... corrently in a mamak stall with Wi-Fi ("O_o)... man I was so supprise when my dad told me that this mamak stall have wi-fi...!!!

Hm... lot-sa stuff aren't go as plan today... well.. that's life... Most important things off all; is not what happend that matters, is the lesson learn from the even....

Well I learnt to be more patient... forgiving... acceptence that nothing is perfect... this happend for a reason...

Granpa of a friend of mine was hospitalise...which reminds me my own grandpa... if I'm in his shoes what would I do? samething...

People asked me are you okay when thing aren't turn out as it was suppost to be... well honestly I'm disapointed... If I say "it's okay" that's mean I'm lying... beside... I'm just a human being.... no more...no less...

But the point is it's not about disapointment or anger... it's about "stop...look... go(shift)..."

I will always face difficulties sometime... and I'll get frustrated... when I get frustrated I can't do other things... So what I have learn it that....STOP for awhile, hey, things happend... LOOK, is there any other options, choise or solution.... GO continue with life......

Well no point to be pulling ugly face in life right!
So live life cool!

p/s: thank CS & family for the salted chicken and Tambun Peng... man, mum & sis nagging all day long bout me allowing other to pay for the stuff.... I serba salah now.... terhutang budi & nyawa pun ada ( -.-)... no one ever pay my stuff for me before unless if I "force" them to...

Reminiscence

Reminiscence....
We have two ears to hear,
two eyes to see and two hands to hold.
But why did we only have one heart?
Because other one need to be seek....
do they?
by faith perhaps....

Giving someone all my love,
is never an assurance that they will love me back.
I never expect love in return;
just wait for it to grow in their heart;
but, if it doesn't,
be content that it grew in me.....

Thank you mum...

Darn, for a big boy like me...yet when i was down I will call my mum. Yet today are those days... I was so frustrated with what going on... so I call her... the powerfull thing about mum is they can just nag away all you trouble and whoops..every thing in my mnd gone... so mum, I dedicate this song to you....

Perfect Fan

It takes a lot to know what is love
It's not the big thing but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of players to get me through
There is never a day that passes by
I don't think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to succeed

You showed me
When i was young just how to grow
You showed me everything that i should know
You showed me just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan

God has been so good
With blessing me with the family
Who did all they could
And I've had many years of Grace
And it flatters me when i see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you've done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son

You showed me
When i was young just how to grow
You showed me everything that i should know
You showed me just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan

You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And showed me that you would always be there
I wanna thank you for the time
And i'm proud to say you're mine

You showed me
When i was young just how to grow
You showed me everything that i should know
You showed me just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan

'Cause Mom you always were, Mom you always were
Mom you always were...the perfect fan

The bright side of the world...

Does it exist?

Been a long journey of life I had...

Sometime we I did $h!tty things...

Always put myself down the drain....

punish myself for stupid thing...

I involve in an accident...

Been on an operations...

Been cheated....

Been scolded...

Blackmailed...

Worldly suffocation...

Darn...

But face it that is how our society survive on...

Oppressing others till they break...

Do I break?

Almost....

But patient taught me a lot...

The other side of the world is at war...

Children have no parent or home...

food... water...

People die of disease...

I should be thankful.... I'm still alive....

Too many mind.... I have....

It's really disturbing...

"I ain't get no satisfaction...."

Nightingale

Nightingale.....
Hm...tonite lepak startng from midnite...

Chatting about something brag about nothing...

In the middle of the conversation we reach a topic...

Virginity...

Hm... a question a lot of asian trying

to avoid...

Something that teenage don't understand...

well for adult.... do we??

My friend ask how to know if a guy is still a virgin?

I tell him I have

no idea...

Why?

Because to begin with guy don't even have a virginal to begin with...

But in a lay man terms virginity mean "do u have sex before?"...

Well I guess that's the question people are trying to avoid...

Well I ask my friend what does his term of having sex mean?

Does it mean penetration or non penetration, and does it involve private parts; the genitals?

Based on the facts and point of the whole conversation we are having...He seems to get more and more sexited with this topic...

So I say... theoretically I'm still a virgin...

Our conversation go on and on...we brag about cameras, sex, girls.... ect...

I dun't even know if the conversation that we have make sense...

But face it...

More and more women losing their virginity in their teen...

They even lose it because of penetration not by physical injuries or what so ever...

Don't they even care about this any more?

Aren't virginity important...

If that the case why does they even have a virgin to begin with?

Making love are no more something special anymore...

It become like a game where you can just go plug and play...

we are actually going towards the stone age once more...

going back to the animal kingdom we came from...

is this normal? I keep on pondering to myself....

Is our world suppose to be like this?

STOP CHILD ABUSE

Dear world...

There so many life that had gone by...

And so does those come here and cry...

Can't imagine the cruelty that happen upon our eye...

Yet we still let the children tears run dry...

So many time...

Never we stop the brutality...

We let it shattered because of the insanity...

Innocent eye that need humanity...

Bleed to tears silently....

Let us stop this madness...

Heal the world and let's make it a better place...

Bring joy and peace, let it be grace....

So that the children shall live and embrace...

A peaceful world with smiling face.....

-Kai- Heal the world-

Right out of the dark...

I soul full of relies as I was allowed to go home...

The happiness is beyond redemption...

But yet ever Ying have it's Yang...

I meet this beautiful young lady.... a nurse...

As sweet as she sound, even greater her contribution to the world....

I can see how she deal with trouble patient...

I can feel the tension she had while communication with disappointed patients... yet, she's calm....

For her age, she could be outside hanging out with friend drinking... joking... fulling around... yet she don't....

Instead she took up this job, a nurse...

Didn't get the chance to talk to her for long time thou... she bz by the way... haiz...

Anyway she had a pretty smile... soft lit eye... and friendly warm calming voice...

Well I guess is her job... but think of it... if one do not have a real good patient, will one take up such job?? I know I won't.

Hope I could get admitted to see her again... hahahha... boomer... well I can remember clearly the 1st day of admission...(!!=.=) the best part is only seeing her the other 99% part suck!! hahaha... all needle and painful treatment....

Dear supreme being are sending me the angle?

Well can still remember the 1st day of admission... I was wearing my company uniform... she was there, standing at the nurses counter, she tot I was some sort of school kid visiting my relative or something (=_=)... nanda kure... I know I'm "chubby" with my uniform and beg (hm... remind me of Russell - UP)... she was shock when the Dr say "he is patient Double 22"...

So she brought me to my room, opposite my room was the guy that pass away... darn.... well she give me my patient attire... take my blood pressure... she took my blood, that was the time I took the chance to talk to her... (>_^)... she answer it professionally...you guy dun't have to know what I ask... hahaha.... that nite my neighbour was really in pain so I go and get some nurses help...she came in...again I took the chance to know her more...but u know la... me memang sux in asking appropriate and "good question"..... argh... bageroo~.....("-.-)

wel the next day she work afternoon shift... well it's time to say good bye.... hais... the Boyz and Ckg putera was here... they help me to pack... then she walk in to the room help me with the needle that poked into my vein... well it is painful but since she is the one took it out...well it painless hahaha...like Kuhen say "take off the needle from Kai's body... Priceless"... we chat for a while...I ask her for her number, but haiz... to bad...the guy need to leave ASAP for buka puase.... cheese!! potong steam betul!! Anyway, if there's faith... there's hope...

Put my faith in what I most believe in....

Two world one destiny...

Let Faith decide...

To guide this life we see...

My life here now ....

My life here now is worse then the muvee drag me to hell....

they sedate me...

ask me to fast...

draw blood from me every 4 hour...

stuff a tube down my throat to my tummy...

poke the needle into my skin as they like....

I'm pale... can some one bring some make-up or water colour here....

crayon will do too... oh the make up... make sure it's glossy one....

man I'm losing my human sanity.... Satan would you take me in?

buzz of you fat freaking no brainer weirdo!!

Pain and death...

2 minutes ago... a man pass away.... an hour ago he was talking to me bout how he like to climb mount kinabalu... I feel so cold... sad..... confuse diapointed... a man just left our world... now my pain is back... texting a fren asking how she is doing...

Hm I guess my grandpa is right...I always put others 1st.... yes grandpa... they are important people in my life... life will be meaningless without them... they show me love... show me hate... teach me how to grow.... walk with me... in the journey call life..... I'll protect them even if it mean my life...

Hospitality...

I'm just a human being....

I look the way I am...

No one even look at me on the street...

Just a normal pedestrian walking by...

All I can is to reach out my hand to another human being...

and touches the heart...

I ask for nothing in return...

Sometime I may feel like I been use...

Sometime I feel like being abuse...

most of the time I never refuse...

coz I know...

I would never wan to see another soul cry other then me....

I give my love to every one...

hoping that there's a story of Beauty and the Beast...

I'm the Beast... where's my Beauty..I guess... it's just a tale.... no more... no less...

Darkest hour of my life...

The clock show approximately 2am in the morning... I don't feel well... My stomach is giving problem... at first I thought it was just a normal pain.... It's getting worse... the pain is killing me... it eat me from inside... something inside is tearing it apart... it was really painful... I fainted again on the way to the clinic... pity my cousin bro have to stay awake and send me through... the doc give me a paint killer to subside the pain... I darn is this how it feels like to have a gastric... I was fasting the whole day yesterday... which bring me down to 1 thing coffee or the beer I dank with JZ.... tchisio... it feel like I have gone through hell and come back again... I think I could get hospitalise today...cos the doc say it was bad and he give me a referral latter... damn.... what a life...

LOVE

LOVE?

Teringat waktu sepi...

Dikala kau tiada di sisi...

Setiap detik ku harungi...

Kesengsaraan ini sendiri...

mengapa harus terjadi...

kejadian sebegini...

tidak lagi ku kenal...

erti mencintai......

Not sure if many know this...

Loyalty - to the one

Obedient - to the one

Vesture - cover/protect/care

Eternity - Forever and ever

It is really sad if people can used the word as they like, without knowing the beauty of the words... I'm a shame of myself too... how could I promise myself to stop using this word 4 years ago... what an @$$... I won't lie, I can still feel the pain in me... It cuts me deeper every time I'm trying to get close to some one... may be that what's shut me off... from ever communicating the word... I'm in sadness and sorrow... such a boomer and loser... other people can make relation work... why can I?

Shakespeare, Sir Elton John... all the big name that was worship because of love, turn their love to the other side... and become gay... what are the true meaning of love exactly? Just had my sixth can off beer here in the cafe with JZ... He and his girl watching the lame football games... hm...

I mean %^&* I can solve every single freaking accounting, IT, medical any freaking problem in this whole world, but when it come to this I'm suck... 4 time break off what an joke.... where did I done wrong.... I have been spending my whole life apologizing.... I'm as good as a dead soul... sorry grandpa I don't mean to insult the dead... but that is how I feel like now...

Dear world I'm sorry if I ever hurt ya.... I'm doing my best to know LOVE... gosh i don't even know what I'm writing now... feel like my finger moving without even going through my head.... by the way I miss 2 friends birth day today.... my phone just reminded me.... what an @$$ cn even remember friends birthday...... so much for a freaking "engineer-not-so-worth-it" cert...

WELCOME TO WHERE EVER YOU ARE, KAI!!

I may be a kampung boy.... but I'm still a human being you town folk that treat me like trash where's your humanity? I may not know how to enjoy my life like your...but I'm leaving my life my life better then your... every second of it and happy doing it!!!

Some thing unexpected...

Was so board later in the afternoon...

I did something different... I leave my car at home take with me only my camera... and a wallet with only RM 10....Where ever this money can take me I go... First I took a bus to Kelana Jaya... once reached there plan to take bus to Putera Jaya but it was too expensive... So I took the LRT... and buy my self a ticket to KLCC....

IN THE TRAIN

I was sitting alone with my camera... around me are couples, holding hand... hurdling shoulder.. kissing... like an alien I just seat there and watch'em... they look happy... Suddenly I remember some one so I drop a text to say hi... in front of me is an old couple they look so happy together... are well happy ever after really exist?

KLCC

Man there are so many people... shopping of course... yet I'm here not for the purpose... so I went to KLCC part to snap some photo to my horror I bring a camera without a memory card! darn.... well haiz my phone bat is almost at the end... so I just go there are take a walk... yet same scenery I see in the train... couples setting under the trees having good time... family with kids playing in the play ground man such a wonderful scene... in one corner there a couple arguing for quite sometimes but at the end they are okay....

ON MY WAY BACK

Hm.. I'm disturb by the the word LOVE... even now...

Where did I go wrong?

Did something goes wrong...

A sleepless nite indeed last night...

I switch off all fan and light...

But yet it was still raining heavily outside..

So non of my problem subside...

I just don't wanna be alone tonight...

I just wanna take a little breather...

Coz lately all I do is fight...

and every time it cut me deeper...

My band of brother have their own life...

Yet been disturbing them all the time...

Taking their time as mine...

What a selfish life...

Now stuck in Station 1 for a cup of coffee...

only my laptop and me...

listen to some James Dean tune...

man I'm doom....

Face it... It's my blog so I'm releasing all my tekanan jiwe dan mental here...like I say before..blogging is a way to release stress...

I wonder what will I be like in another 5 years.... will I still be the same??

Now this remind me of the song:

"when I was just a lil boy I ask my mother what will I be..."

hahahaha...

Hm that girl sitting beside me look kind da cute...should I just go there and ask her phone number? She look kind da cute what she eat that noodle...hahaha...she might hink I'm psyco coz keep looking at her hahaha...

I'm such a weirdo... do thing people don't expect me to do... my be that is what it mean by being special... Being beyond expectation... Ya I'm such a nerd... a wimp... sometimes....

Bobby Chin, that what my student Harkaran calla me... say my chin really appealing and there are this other student tell me that teacher u have such a sexy eye brown.... I say sexy?? what do u mean by sexy.... she reply say say it is dark teacher...... hahaha.... and she continue say teacher your eye lashes look like a girls eye lashes coz it long and curve up..... These kind are really funny they look at me from top to down ("O_o).... sometimes it is scary too...hahaha.... my most appealing part is my belly...hahah 50% Barney's.... 50% A&W mascot the bear.... no wonder kind like all these mascot cos they have soft and huggy belly hahaha.......

Cool Tool

OMG, iPod nano is going insanely cool!! It had a video cam!!!

It's a whole new generation that we are living in now it not just a bout me any more... it about sharing my life with other.... well I guess iPod nano allows every to do that... personalize entertainment and share experience...

A quick scroll through the menu takes you to the video camera. Then you’re ready to record video in portrait or landscape — perfect for emailing or posting on Facebook or MobileMe. A built-in mic lets you capture audio, too. And when you play back your video on iPod nano, you’ll hear the recorded audio with it. All of which means your indispensable music player is now your indispensable video camera.

source:http://www.apple.com/ipodnano/features/video-camera.html

A survey with P5 Mercury

Why you friend is your friend?

kind, funny, helpful, caring, generous, like art, friendly, have same hobby,

because I'm dumb and he/she is clever, crazy sometimes, and cool....

Can you life without friend?

YES, because they are not my basic needs.

If I have no friend... I won't feel sad when he or she is not around.

NO, because they care for me when I'm sick.

care for me when I'm down. And kill my loneliness away.

it fun to see how pure the mind of the kid. Honest yet a lil bit of holding back trying to find what right and wrong....because that is how we are brought up to become.....RIGHT and WRONG... GOOD and BAD....

Grandpa, I'm not sure what I'm doing is RIGHT... hearing me say this you would probably say "there are no wrong or right... what u decide... decide your future...". the live that I have now is a bit stressful but honestly....I"M HAPPY.... is this what people mean by the pursuit of happiness? I like EDUCATING the kid.... share their story... share their sadness... share their life.... one minute they are sad the other minutes they are happy....

Adult... they are really complicated, look deceive every aspect of the nature... always full of the negativity nature... pressuring... mistreating other... jealousy... emotional... gun blazing madness....

Hm... in the end grandpa.... I guess u are right.... living every second of the life is crucial... SWITCH every time this turn bad... SHIFT if things not working.... and learn to forgive and forget.... learn this is important grandpa....

I know u are up there... people sez dead people does not have feeling... I say as long as we are beings...we are something... then we have feelings.... I have no idea of the world u are in now, so I have no right to do any judgement to it... (>_^)

grandpa... today is 9/11 mum call this morning telling me they are having ur... 忌辰 or 忌日... sorry I can't be there...it's the 8th year... times fly by very fast.....

Life is pleasant

Life is pleasant...

Death is peaceful...

It's the transition that's troublesome...

9/11 - A new beginning

I was as usual in my school holiday mood...

2 week ago I received a call from grandma...

"Please come quick you grandpa can't move his hand..."

At that age of immaturity i ignore the call...

That nite grandpa was hospitalise...

damn, it all my fault... if I just take a lil time to listen....

He was in bed the whole time through out the week...

until 9/10 the doctor say...

"Please bring him home...it's almost his time..."

anger struck me...I curse at the doctor... losing control...

We bring him home...

He call for me...

"Kai, be patient...."

It was his last words & breath.........

(T.T)

I feel like it was mine too...

What have I done....

Impatient... Rude... Never a good lister I was...

Gome ne~ oji san...

He never blames me...

Neither does every one in the family...

Please scold me...

few week later I see grandma....

she was alone in her chair looking at grandpa photo...

before I could say anything...

she say...

"Of all the family members you are the silence one... reckless... impatient... hard headed..."

"But you grandpa see something in you... so don't blame you self... live like your grandpa..."

"Living every second of his life... "

And now I'll carry the legacy with me!

I promise....

The Path

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.

Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.

Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.

Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.

Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

The Buddha

Whatever...

I have no idea how to read the words.... but hm... whatever... anyway the story is true (?_?)... lil... some... I don't know... or may be I refuse to know... jammed.... (''=.=)....nanda kure datebay yo~..... hontoni baga desu ray~... (~.~).... tshishio...

陳小春 - 沒那種命

<<没那种命>> 

爱情这东西   没道理的 

有人很抢手   有人没资格 

路是人走的   我害怕什么

大不了别爱了 她像个天仙   

她太美了 我那么平凡   

我开不了口 心里面晓得   

追她的结果 幸运的不是我

我没那种命呀   她没道理爱上我 

英雄和美人哪是一国的 

只怪爱人太少了  对手太好了   

劝自己别傻了 以前甭提了    

以后非加油不可

我没那种命呀   轮也不轮到我 

爱情老是缺货我争什么 时间越来越少了  越来越老了   

我剩下一个梦 她走过来说其实我错了.... 她爱我?

她像个天仙   她太美了 

我那么平凡   我开不了口 

心里面晓得   追她的结果 

幸运的   不是我

我没那种命呀   她没道理爱上我 
英雄和美人哪是一国的 
只怪爱人太少了  对手太好了   
劝自己别傻了 以前甭提了    
以后非加油不可
我没那种命呀   轮也不轮到我 
爱情老是缺货我争什么 时间越来越少了  越来越老了   
我剩下一个梦 她走过来说其实我错了.... 她爱我?

Career Advancement....

Career advancement....

To be or not to be...

Hell my head are damn stuck...

Stop pushing me...

I have decided haven't I!

Go now!!

leave me alone!!!!

The Metronome Ticks...

i like the beauty sense...

i like the smiling face...

i'm scare that it's not me....

i worry that i can't be...

thou we can be juz frend...

but my though was finally banned...

i really dun know how it happen...

coz that door in my heart just open...

i'm confuse as though are playing...

i juz can't stand coz my heart is lying...

out on the surface it's smiling...

but deep down inside it dying & crying...

i can't live without thee...

because my heart is there with thee....

let me keep the pain to myself...

till i fell into my own death...

metronome of life indeed....

pendulum of time repeat...

voices tell me to spoke of the un spoken...

melody whisper to say the un writen...

like the prophet and his prophecy...

I was trapped in the melancholy...

The undertone...

The devil's own....

I'm in the world of my own...

The Solon's

So here I'm again whining about my life.... NOT!!

I mean yeah I have some wacko psyco going koo koo in my head I love this life....

Family...

There mum, dad, 2 sistas, bro and me...

Good time bad time, we are happy...

Tasty like chocolate and sweet like candy...

But I know it won't have cavity...

Friends...

Good one bad one they will still lean a hand...

I can't imagine i would have so many fans among friends...

Some adore... some just left without even glance...

A true friend is someone who reaches for my hand and touches my heart...

Even sunshine burns sometimes...

The one who loves me will not make me cry alone at night...

They will be right by me side telling me it will be alright....

My life have taught me one vital thing and that is:

I came into this world alone...

I shall leave it alone...

And, if I have to live in it alone...

so be it!

I contend to live it in peace with myself... am I?

it's hard to feel,

sometimes,

and even harder to see,

but when I look back on it,

I realize how far I've come

Such a Complicated Simplicity...

(>.^)...(@.@)...(*^*)...(>.<)...("=.=)

Good thing happen to good people

Good thing happen to good people...

But bad thing always happen to me which mean I bad???

What goes around comes around...

But everything in my life that leave me never come back....

I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells.

A man who is "of sound mind" is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key.

OWTFGFIA

Home...

Whipping something up while chanting the "OWTFGFIA" mantra in my head......

Sometimes it's funny how I think I need that extra hour when I actually have exactly what I need...

There are so much to take... but I won't take all......

There are so few to give... but I give it all...

Life is about giving.... not taking.......

I'm down...

I feel clowned...

But I'm not drown...

I'm tired...

My body perspired...

But I'm not fired...

The Frightened Beast

Far beyond the realm of my thought...

Lies a devil... monster... beast...

Trying its best to escape...

The harder I conceal the more it reveal...

As I took the path I have chosen....

I shall never turn back...

A great fighter is not about how many punch he blow...

But its how many punches he can take and able to stand up again...

To continue fighting.....

The day slowly turn itself to dawn...

Fear slowly arisen....

Sight are becoming more dimmer...

Giving up is not and option...

A though of the beloved one...

Lit flames in my heart...

Burn a path for me to keep on moving...

Shine through the darkness...

When darkness arise...

it is not the end but its a beginning...

Of a new journey...

Of my life...

---kaiz---

12 December 2007

The Beast

Beast, people always have bad impression on him. You never see what he have inside, just because he is difference you cast him aside, just because he is weird you discriminate him. He, just like every one else in this world breathing the same air. Drinking the same source of water. What make him difference from you?

Is it because of the way he looks? Every one look difference. Is it because the way he communicate? Just because you don't understand this doesn't give you the right to say he is unreasonable. Is it because of the fact that he is able to do something that you can't, so you judge him, you prosecute him, you condemned him and give him a hard time to survive. This is when you trigger his anger, make him do things that you cannot imagine. Hurt others and himself.

So the next time when you see some one different think for a moment what give u the RIGHT to judge other? Do not do thing to other, which you do not like other do it to you....

We can live a better life if we stop judging. Young, old, fat, thin. tall, skinny... we are who we are. It is a blessing to have a life to live. It is a PRIVILEGE to see so many different type of people. If every one is as alike then the world will be a very boring place to live in.......

Living Every Second Of My Life

I live by this principal..... so go $^@#% your self.....

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If I'm kind, people may accuse me of selfish and with ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If I'm successful, I will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Suceed anyway.
If I'm honest and frank, people may cheat on me;
Be honest and frank.

What I spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If I find serenity and hapiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good I do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best I have and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best I've got anyway.

See.... in the final analysis,
it is between me and my promise to HIM;
It was never between me and them anyway.

It is not who I wanna be,
but how much love I put in being....
It is not how much I do,
but how much love I put in the doing....
It is not how much I give,
but how much love I put in the giving....

In the end it's my life that I'm living in........
who are they to judge....

Stuck in the Middle

Work
Management -- ME -- Teachers
Teachers -- ME -- Teachers
Management -- ME -- management

Home
Sister -- ME -- Parent
sister -- ME -- wadever in this freaking world she wanna do....
Sister -- ME -- Heaven know what....

Friends
The connector.... that's ME.

==============================================

How i used to release my stress back in my darkest time..
1. smoking... tempted to have that now.... argh.... need to be strong...
2. drinking... back in Uni time...it was the darkest hour of my alcoholic life....
3. screaming... in the studio...feel like asking Kak Zaira if i could have her studio for this....
4. drag racing... I can still remember Bukit Bendera clearly almost lost myself there...
5. basically thing that do not harm other....

I'm a devil.... not yet a demon.....

My Choice....

Even before I decide...
It's like decision had been made...
Even without me...

Yet they pretend that it was the best choice...
They wan the best for me?
Please!!

I feel like being stabbed at the back...
I don't feel myself any more...
Drifted... ordered...

My martial master use to ask me...
Why it is hard for you to say "NO"...
I told him sensei I don't know...
Well he say...
you are brave enough to take the challenges...
so that other people do not hurt and they like you...
but beware... you'll hurt yourself in doing so...
or in the end eat up who you are inside...

I guess it true... nevertheless....

This is my story....
My way...

I may be a "dog"...
I can be a very loyal 1 too...
I may be a "crap"
But I can help trees grow...

I don't get paid for the hour.
I get paid for the value I bring to the hour.

I never did anything worth doing by accident,
nor did any of my result come by accident; they came by work.

Many people quit looking for work when they finally get a job.

Don't be afraid to give my best to what seemingly are small jobs.
Every time I conquer one it makes me that much stronger.
If I do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all.

There is no substitute for hard work.

Still I can remember.... I paste this in my room.... back in uni times...


hm... least it motivate me as i promise HIM "I'll live every second of my life"

Hurt

"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

[Chorus:]
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO9dbmJ_2zU

Cooperate Scum!

Hiaz... those fella really.....

Bloody HELL....
Ding Dong Bell....
Munkee in the well...
I hope they fell...
In to the misery well....

(\_/)......

Leave me alone...
you lazy bone...
don't make me trow...
that stupid throne.....

Fart-er.......

1 drop....

Just finish my gym session with ma' brother juz now... it feel more relaxing...I guess I should change job to something physical I guess.... it remind me of the good old time when I represent Malaysia in Sea Games... it was tiring but everday I'm energetic... like a energizer that will never run out of power... but Lately when I started my job as an IT personal... my God...sleep is like private and limited...and my brain go all hair wired...

Argh... my heart is not at ease... been thinking too much of nothing!!

That's part of life I guess... thinking of nothing...huh....

Vee: I need u to promise me something...
1) promise me no more of those thing like "I miss ya bla ...bla...bla....", ya i know u mss me...let's move on ok..... ;p mentang mentang la sia ni kiut kan...ahaks.....(>.^)

2) no more "I'm sowee" thingy... it already happen.... let it be...I'm pun ok ja....(mimang sakit jugak masa tue...but sia udah lupa ...saja boring boring sia tulis dalam blog........) (>.^)...

3) ko tanya sama sia knapa kita ndak dapat macam dulu...jawab sia... dulu lain sekarang lain...(>_^) mungkin sia skrg bukan urang yang kamu kenal dulu lagi apa macam...sandi la sia...(>.<)
p/s- ko pun ndak cari sia last year....hahaha....

4) let's move on ok.... sia pun ada ciri ciri gay uda ba skrg nih hahahahha... (joking jer a....)

I hope this would clear up something for u and for me..haahahha.... ok ba kalau kau......

A wimpy life of mine

Many day passed...
Time go really fast...

Yet still I'm stuck in my safe territory..
vindicated memory...
unfolded story...

twist and turn...
squeeze and earn...
in the end it get me crash & burn....

Am I to kind to be used?
Am I to soft to be abused?
In make me lost & confused?

I feel like a tool for some one gain...
A cure for some one else pain...
I was left in vain....

I bleed inside...
my feeling I hide...
when I held others up high...
yet I never cry...
even if it torn me inside...
because to me it's what I like....
it may hurt my self... my pride...

but i'm just being me...
no superhuman in me...
nothing special about me....

I just hope the world would be a better place...
at lease there something i could be amaze...
be fore i leave this pretty place...
into the world of grace...

I always tell myself...
the purpose of my life....
is the pursuit of happiness...

will I achieve it??
will i be able to...
pursuit the happiness??

sober.... tear.... loneliness...are always with me..........
粉砕される私の中心 ....
am I becoming a モンスター..............

Deceived

Why am I always being deceived by my own thought?
Why things that I have done always hurt others?
Why am I not love myself?

Why not I search for partner in life?
Why do i feel so scared to be in relation?
Why is it so hard to find my strength to love again?

Why can't I break this curse?
Why am I still living in the world of lie?
Why am I still hiding?

Why are there so many thought in my mind?

vindicated... suffocated....

why there are so many "why"?

is the answer out there....
where is the love when I need one....
or it had been in me all along....
I just don't....or won't see it.....
Am I deceiving myself???

Being deceived my own self.....

if i could just look into the mirror and sang this to myself......

===========================
Maybe I hang around here
A little more than I should
We both know I got somewhere else to go
But I got something to tell you
That I never thought I would
But I believe you really ought to know

I love you
I honestly love you

You don't have to answer
I see it in your eyes
Maybe it was better left unsaid
This is pure and simple
And you should realize
That it's coming from my heart and not my head

I love you
I honestly love you

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable
I'm not trying to make you anything at all
But this feeling doesn't come along everyday
And you shouldn't blow the chance
When you've got the chance to say

I love you
I honestly love you

If we both were born
In anoother place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours
And here I am with mine
So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this

I love you
I honestly love you
I honestly love you"