Can't seem to fall asleep...

The stars lean down to kiss you...
And I lie awake and miss you...

I'll doze off safe and soundly...
But I'll miss your arms around me...

I'd send my love to you dear...
I wish you were here...

I'll watch the night turn light-blue...
But it's not the same without you...

The silence isn't so bad...
Until I look at my hands and feel sad...

Cause the spaces between my fingers...
Are right where yours fit and linger...

I'll find repose in new ways...
Though I can't sleep in past two days...

Drenched in blue twilight...
I sat in my room all night...

Starring at the four walls...
Hoping you to call...

When violet eyes get brighter...
And heavy wings grow lighter...

I'll forget the world that i knew...
But I swear I won't forget you...

I'd whisper in your ear...
"Oh darling i wish you were here"...

I still though it was yesterday...

"Yesterday as my life seems so far away...."
After long tired of running here and there in school, I decided to go back early today. On my way, got call from Aliek so we went out to our favorite and usual hangout place @ NZX.It was just like other night chatting and bragging bout politics, religion, girls and life. Suddenly we reach to his marriage topic. He is getting married, next year. Big cost, big decision and it is once in a life time even for most of us. Cn't believe it, it had been 10 years we are friends. Now he is moving to another steps in life. The Family. So out of sudden, I feel like it was still yesterday both he and me sitting in a cafe some where in Kingfisher Sepanggar Sabah...drinking out favorite Tea Madras... gosh... time goes by really fast... Just this morning I though I was dead... it's really hard to breath... my mind was wondering in the realm of no where. Can't even move for a while. Thinking about it, really spook me.

Gpa, I'm freak, I'm weird to other with this weird abilities which I can't control. I really hope other would understand what I've gone through as there are no scientific explanation. Is this what I get for being "Inquiry Spirited". I know I question God, religion and faith a lot. I also know our ancestor practice animism and believe in supernatural being, angels, deities, and God. I just can't help questioning them it. The are so many "why" yet no answer. Yes...I suddenly remember what you say: "you come... you see... then you decide whether to learn or not" Buddha quoted this.

Buddha never claim he was the son of God... Never he claim he was a prophet... he never compare... he just teach... he never say what he teach is a religion.... not it was the words of God... he told them you wan to attain alightement you learn... and so they learn...

Buddhism is usually considered a religion, but is also commonly described as a "spiritual philosophy", because it generally lacks an absolute creator, God....

If there's are really heaven and hell, where are all the stars?? what if there are alien out in the big universe, the milky way, do they have heaven and hell too?? Hm.... I wonder...

What about now!

LIfe will always knock me down...
But I can choose to get back up...
I ain't the pretty face in town...
Neither a cheap steak which can't be sold out...

I'm always a friend...
but you never make me feel like one...
just a stranger who tying to fit in...

anyway, I shall not complain...
may be I was caught in refrain...
I shall treat you with honor and respect...
Because that's what I choose to be....

"retrospect of my past 2009"

It's Not So Bad

So you sailed away...
Into a grey sky morning...
Now I'm here to stay...
Love can be so boring...

Nothing's quite the same now...
I just say your name now...
What was it you wanted...
Could it be I'm haunted...

But it's not so bad...
You're only the best I ever had...
You don't want me back...
You're just the best I ever had...
The best I ever had...

I'm weird...

I don't know some how I feel so freaking funny today....

I have this mind set that's tell me weird weird stuff....

I plan to go to HELL...
And with God willing I shall bring all those from HELL up to HEAVEN!!!

Dear God am I crazy... Have any of your prophet or angel...ever think about that????

I guess I'm some times.... :)

mischievous...

"I have a friend an artist and also a teacher now station in the east... he once have a lovely girl friend.... they were happy... but one day he come home and saw something mischievous in the girlfriend laptop... an adultery conversation of his girlfriend with another guy... he was shock and disappointed... but being kind hearted... he never say much... once she was back to her hometown... he decided to break up...but not just because of her action...but also they way she socialising with other guy...."

so many break-ups case this day and so many people change their relationship status in facebook to "in relationship".... it's a weird world...

Some are loyal.... some are not...
Some are sincere.... some are not....
Some are serious... most are playful...

what ever it is... it's still part of my writings.... as for me I love is something divine... not something that can be traded by adultery...

From Dad

Dear kai,

I understand the burden you are having. Being the eldest, taking care of the young ones. Taking care of your mum and me. I know what's going on, take care of yourself. Be strong and don't forget the love ones. Always be happy and cheerful as you were before. Be the cheerful boy you once were!!!

love,
DAD

Topic on Women?

Last couple of weeks, I went out with my friends to Cheras. While enjoying the roasted pork, we had a hot discussion on women’s roles in the society. Of course, being the sole man in the group didn’t help, so i try to be politically neutral. Ironically, it was the girls themselves who seem to take less pride on such gender issue. One female friend ask: "Frankly, what profession in this world that the women are highly associated with?" I responded by saying: "Fashion? Modelling?". She immediately answered "But they are still under men! Most established fahion designers are men! Sigh!". Then, she further elaborated how a lot of fields are dominated by men. Another female friend interrupted: "I know, it must be prostitution! The world oldest profession and it was and still is ruled by women! Men are slaves to that! Hahaha" Her response drew laughter from all of us, though the point she was trying to make is clear.

Her statement made me realise just how women are positioned in this world. I mean though they are given a lot of so-called equal rights, their contribution to the society is rather not as significant as men’s. Even their life is partially controlled especially by traditional thought. More often that not, a woman has to resort to sexual appeal or persuasion (if not sexual intercourse) when wanting to be on top. Top model, top singer, top CEO, etc, rely heavily on this, though it may not be openly reported. But this does not prove that men are strong. In fact, men should instead be considered as weak, because they can fall easily to such temptation. So, does that mean sex is the only weapon or tool women are good at?

I have encountered several female friends who are so desperate to get decent men as their mate or life partner that they dare to do whatever it takes including using sex as a bait. Even on social networking sites like Facebook, Friendster, Myspace, Tagged, you’ll definitely see young girls trying to lure attention by posting semi-nude photos. Of course, many of them are also making money through online sex shows available on the net.... You’ll be shocked to see how many educated women are going into prostitution. For them, it’s easy money and perhaps sex is in fact their most effective asset, something they can really rely on...

But then again, media has indeed played a great part in influencing such gender stereotypes. Look at the programmes we have in tv, makeover here, makeover there… trying to tell ppl if u dun have the look, u won’t have the best in life- that includes men, career, even good service in restaurant.

Which eventually come down to yet another topic... The discrimination and labeling... "If u are fat then u are ugly...if u are ugly then people don't like you... if people don't like you uare better off dead...so as a conclusion follow the society or die like the rest" :P

What's your thought?

Untitled

I was so happy to see him enjoying himself today...
but in me, still....
the feeling of sadness still over flowing....
I really glad to be his teacher...
such a beautiful soul...
strong...
never care about what will happen in the future...
just living in the present...
happily.... bubbly....

Me on the other hand worrying about what lies in the future...
keep on thinking about tomorrow have installed...
worrying about what to do tomorrow...
what if there are no more tomorrow?
silence indeed....

How I wish the feeling of love would just burst freely...
rather then holding it back and keep it to myself...
how I wish it could be shared and people would see what I see...
I'm not a prophet....
I'm just a person...
but what have I learn from my student?

He was here...

I saw death today...
I can't imagine what life would be later...
would it be cold...
would it be lonely..
would one see judgement day?

yet he was calm...
bubbly smiling and hanging around...
trying his best to snap the photo of happiness...
so that other would remember him as who he is...
funny...

yet...
it's really heavy...
really really is...
I'm holding tears as I saw him...
holding it as tight as I can....

please... let there be no pain in the transience.....

The Call

As I was saying previously... 2 month to go...
I received a call today... and it doesn't sound good...
Had small tear running down my eye...
Well I guess that's life...
Some come some goes..
Yet the fact that at this young age...
To many complication...
How could the one who live take it...
Well, leave it to them...
Apart from being a human is the ability to adapt...
adapt to changes...
adapt to differences...
Hopefully things goes well...
Hopefully no heart broken...
Hopefully no much tear flowed...
Hopefully no pain suffered....

I'll always love you.....

Dear, for you...

Life After You lyrics
Songwriters: Daughtry, Chris; James, Brett; Kroeger, Chad; Moi, Joey;

Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know

Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wastin' my time

Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do, yeah

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through, yeah
Know there's no life after you....

murmur

Acting childish seems to come naturally, but acting like an adult, no matter how old we are, just doesn't come easy to us....それが、愛でしょう...

Full moon Sway....

Full moon sway...
Gently in the night of one fine day...
On my way...
Looking for moment with my dear...

In this rat race...
We forgot or overlooked the very basic value of mankind...
In this time of grace...
Reach out to the arms that needed the most...

How many dreams will end...
How long can life pretend....
How many time will love passed me by...
Till I find you again?

It's a wonderful world out there...

When will there be a time to say "I love you"?