Dunia terang menjadi gelita...
Cahaya indah tiada bergema...
Keluhan hatiku membawa derita...
Kini kau jua tak kunjung jelma...
Life some times could be so boring. When I'm alone and off my feet. In my heart always seek hope for changing. But yet I never lift my feet up from the grown. I feel like life so old. I feel like I could never let it go. I really hope that you could tell me what you wan from me. Before I disappear. I promise my heart sincere, because you the one I'm missing here. It such a dark dark place to be where I am now. Well at time, I wish we were together forever. Yet we are all over. At time you make me feel love. Most of the time you make me feel jealous. And it eats me up inside. I appologise if you ever hurt because of me. I just a human. Doing hes best to be at his best. Thou you bring jealousy into my life. I still fond you... I still love you... hope u get this crystal clear.... I'm just being me.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Present day
Night crawls out from the dark. Engulfs every nook and corner of my abode and the lights must recede. Darkness shall roam into the street and every inch of the land. So long and good night. As my mind trying to be at it's peace, question arise and clouded my head. "Doushitte...doushitte kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?" I have no idea why my though flown in to that direction. It hurt, it really hurt. Why must I still feel it. I guess is the human nature.
So many things happen lately. Doing my best not to think about it. I really wanted to tell some one "I TOLD U SO" but it doesn't worth doing it. Who am I to pull down other people. What is my status to them? Just let it go Kai. SO no matter how much I detest it. There will alway be love the save my day. SO I do my best to help. I will. I cross my heart. Coz what ever come next, is always UP.
Dear grandpa, I'm still holding on to it. I will make sure no body get hurt. Event thou it's hard for people to believe, but some eventually will. I promise not to let it hurt anyone. I PROMISE I'LL BECOME STRONGER. "Ikatnya lembu pada tali, Ikatnya manusia pada janji..."
So many things happen lately. Doing my best not to think about it. I really wanted to tell some one "I TOLD U SO" but it doesn't worth doing it. Who am I to pull down other people. What is my status to them? Just let it go Kai. SO no matter how much I detest it. There will alway be love the save my day. SO I do my best to help. I will. I cross my heart. Coz what ever come next, is always UP.
Dear grandpa, I'm still holding on to it. I will make sure no body get hurt. Event thou it's hard for people to believe, but some eventually will. I promise not to let it hurt anyone. I PROMISE I'LL BECOME STRONGER. "Ikatnya lembu pada tali, Ikatnya manusia pada janji..."
Thursday, October 21, 2010
My past...
Today, in the afternoon have the closing ceremony of teacher training. the weather was as breeze as afternoon beach. we were all happily talking bout achievement and out of a sudden. Mdm Ho was talking bout kids who are just counting time. I WAS ONE OF THEM.
It all happen years ago. I was in form 1. Things doesn't start well. My family isn't doing well in our finance. But we are happy. It all started of in this one fine day. As was in the class as usual. It was during Maths class, me and my flock of friends as usual chatty and braggy in the class. out of a sudden the teacher stood up and shouted at us... we were scolded like we do not have any dignity left in us... we were mock like we are some piece of shit. I can still remember his words clearly "kamu ni binatang yang kurang ajar, apa mak bapa kamu tak ajar kamu jadi manusia ka... atau mak bapak kamu ni anjing!"
I stood up and flip the table over. The whole class was in mass. We were detained. Since then, I hate teachers. I started to rebel. Playing truant, start smoking, fighting and involve in school gangster activities. I was in my darkest moment. Was known in school as "Geng Enam Jahanam".
Years gone by, 2008, I was in form 3 still being the bad as in my school. May came, as usual one of those unlucky day, doing wrong thing at the wrong time. I was caught smoking in the toilet. The next day I was sentences public canning. Reach home, my dad was waiting with a belt. I was in my doom state of mind. At that time, I hated life. I hated every thing that people love. I detest 'em all.
One fine day, my Principle walk pass me and saw me. What he did was call me to report to his office every single day after school. Life change, for once I felt love and being appreciated by some one. This man didn't even scold me. All he did was just teach me Math and English. He even give me a nick name, he call me BUDOK MILO. Why because ever time during break we will go have some drinks together and my favorite was Milo. That is when I got to know her... Aishah Fitriah Taib... the first love of my life... and that would be another story....
It all happen years ago. I was in form 1. Things doesn't start well. My family isn't doing well in our finance. But we are happy. It all started of in this one fine day. As was in the class as usual. It was during Maths class, me and my flock of friends as usual chatty and braggy in the class. out of a sudden the teacher stood up and shouted at us... we were scolded like we do not have any dignity left in us... we were mock like we are some piece of shit. I can still remember his words clearly "kamu ni binatang yang kurang ajar, apa mak bapa kamu tak ajar kamu jadi manusia ka... atau mak bapak kamu ni anjing!"
I stood up and flip the table over. The whole class was in mass. We were detained. Since then, I hate teachers. I started to rebel. Playing truant, start smoking, fighting and involve in school gangster activities. I was in my darkest moment. Was known in school as "Geng Enam Jahanam".
Years gone by, 2008, I was in form 3 still being the bad as in my school. May came, as usual one of those unlucky day, doing wrong thing at the wrong time. I was caught smoking in the toilet. The next day I was sentences public canning. Reach home, my dad was waiting with a belt. I was in my doom state of mind. At that time, I hated life. I hated every thing that people love. I detest 'em all.
One fine day, my Principle walk pass me and saw me. What he did was call me to report to his office every single day after school. Life change, for once I felt love and being appreciated by some one. This man didn't even scold me. All he did was just teach me Math and English. He even give me a nick name, he call me BUDOK MILO. Why because ever time during break we will go have some drinks together and my favorite was Milo. That is when I got to know her... Aishah Fitriah Taib... the first love of my life... and that would be another story....
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I swore a solemn to keep faith...
It can happen to anyone of us...
The situation got out of hand...
I hope you understand...
Anyone can fall...
Anyone can hurt someone they love...
Hearts will break....
I made a stupid mistake....
Say you will forgive me...
Say you will believe me....
I can’t take my heart will break...
Because of my stupid mistake...
I’ve been letting you down...
I’ve been such a fool to get drown...
Giving in to temptation...
When I should’ve played it cool rather than aggravation...
The situation got out of hand...
I hope you understand...
Anyone can fall...
Anyone can hurt someone they love...
Hearts will break....
I made a stupid mistake....
Say you will forgive me...
Say you will believe me....
I can’t take my heart will break...
Because of my stupid mistake...
I’ve been letting you down...
I’ve been such a fool to get drown...
Giving in to temptation...
When I should’ve played it cool rather than aggravation...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Regret
Broken a promisses is bad enough...
As a friends,
you do not need to reminds me of it when I've told I regretted it...
being a caring person doesn't mean that you need to "control" others...
if you are so good then why can't u urself forget ur past...
and keep on whining about it....
Every body have their problem...
every body did the same thing you do...
it doesn't matter how you solve em...
yet it still eat inside of you....
I come to sense to realise....
I know this thing can't be compromise...
But at least I step back to see what going on...
part of me...
silently...
Just don't feel so insecure...
past of me...
violently....
just do thing without second thought...
ok, I my deal with the devil.... I'll quit this time for sure....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
My promises
This week I have sin...
I have broken one of my promises...
I smoked 3 times last week...
I can believe I can't even control my own self...
how could I control a bunch of children?
I miss the time we are together...
even if it is a short one...
I miss seeing u every day...
Even you have dismay...
As I was saying...
Time is wasted if I not with you...
and I hope that I'm not wasting your....
Saturday, October 16, 2010
What is LOVE
Do You Know What's LOVE ? ?
LOVE Is Like A Favorite Song That You Play
...Over And Over ...
This One Song Makes You
Happy, Sad & Maybe Even Mad
But
Even Then
You Still Press Repeat.
♥
Monday, October 11, 2010
What's going on?
Tell me what’s wrong with society...
When everywhere I look I see...
Young girls dying to be on TV...
Won’t stop till they’ve reached their dreams...
Diet pills, surgery...
Photo shop pictures in magazines...
Telling them how they should be...
It doesn’t make sense to me...
I guess things aren’t how they used to be...
There’s no more normal families...
Parents act like enemies...
Making kids feel like it’s World War 3...
No one cares, no one’s there...
I guess we’re all just too damn busy...
And money’s our first priority.....
It doesn’t make sense to me...
Tell me what’s wrong with society...
When everywhere I look I see...
Rich guys driving big SUV’s...
When kids are starving in the streets...
No one cares...
No one likes to share...
I guess life's unfair...
Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something....
That something is wrong....
When everywhere I look I see...
Young girls dying to be on TV...
Won’t stop till they’ve reached their dreams...
Diet pills, surgery...
Photo shop pictures in magazines...
Telling them how they should be...
It doesn’t make sense to me...
I guess things aren’t how they used to be...
There’s no more normal families...
Parents act like enemies...
Making kids feel like it’s World War 3...
No one cares, no one’s there...
I guess we’re all just too damn busy...
And money’s our first priority.....
It doesn’t make sense to me...
Tell me what’s wrong with society...
When everywhere I look I see...
Rich guys driving big SUV’s...
When kids are starving in the streets...
No one cares...
No one likes to share...
I guess life's unfair...
Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something....
That something is wrong....
Monday, October 4, 2010
Where do I go from here?
Sweet serenity...
purple me...
last night, I had a vision again about a friend, x . I was told in my dream that x like y. So they were together for the past few month. only lately y was angry with x, for the same thing i fight with x; x behavior that causes jealousy around people around 'em. As I know, x is like that. x wanted every thing to be the X way. any other advice will be pointless. if only x would learn a skill call LISTEN. in my dream, Y avoided x with what ever mean Y can. But x from the past experience of x experience dun wan that to happen so trying what ever x can to safe the relationship. my dream speak of x wanted attention which eventually hurt some one and X self in the making...
honestly I just dunno should or shouldn't I tell x about this... the last time I told x... I was mark as a psycho... haiz... let it be... but I care for X so much... just dun one x to over do thing that could hurt x self and Y too.... I just wish em well....
purple me...
last night, I had a vision again about a friend, x . I was told in my dream that x like y. So they were together for the past few month. only lately y was angry with x, for the same thing i fight with x; x behavior that causes jealousy around people around 'em. As I know, x is like that. x wanted every thing to be the X way. any other advice will be pointless. if only x would learn a skill call LISTEN. in my dream, Y avoided x with what ever mean Y can. But x from the past experience of x experience dun wan that to happen so trying what ever x can to safe the relationship. my dream speak of x wanted attention which eventually hurt some one and X self in the making...
honestly I just dunno should or shouldn't I tell x about this... the last time I told x... I was mark as a psycho... haiz... let it be... but I care for X so much... just dun one x to over do thing that could hurt x self and Y too.... I just wish em well....
Sunday, October 3, 2010
My end games
To stay or to go?
Where will I flow...
There still a lot I don't know...
Where can I grow?
To many thing I wanted to do..
To lil time I have indeed...
What if tomorrow never come?
Where will I flow...
There still a lot I don't know...
Where can I grow?
To many thing I wanted to do..
To lil time I have indeed...
What if tomorrow never come?
Saturday, October 2, 2010
abandoned love?
Love,
As I know breath new meaning...
Not about butterfly and kisses....
nor diamond or ring....
neither word of promises....
it's about you and me...
It's about my imperfection...
and you affection....
It's about acceptance...
It's about you being fragile...
and I always make you smile...
we see each other weakness...
and offer pure forgiveness....
without love there's loneliness...
and it's breed the world of madness....
let love spread it's wing of liberty....
As I know breath new meaning...
Not about butterfly and kisses....
nor diamond or ring....
neither word of promises....
it's about you and me...
It's about my imperfection...
and you affection....
It's about acceptance...
It's about you being fragile...
and I always make you smile...
we see each other weakness...
and offer pure forgiveness....
without love there's loneliness...
and it's breed the world of madness....
let love spread it's wing of liberty....
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