Too many minds....

I'm sad...I'm disappointed...

There are just too many things about you that more than meet the eye...

I'm hurt...

I'm damn freaking hurt...

I have do all I can... I have gv my best... but my best never seem enough to you isn't it? :(

Note to Thou....

Dear supreme,

Being if u there...
I have lot's of question that need Thou answer...

There are so many things in life that u have shown me...
Gift that u have given me...

It's too much for me to handle it...
I'm in pain seeing other in pain...

why did u show me so many things...
why u show me the how others live...

I just wan to know bout mine...
only mine...

yet images of other frames by frames I see...
can it be taken away?

I do not wish to know any thing anymore bout Thou creation...
I just hope I could do what I'm doing now... here...

thank you for the opportunity... I choose to be here...
small as I may be... but I change life....
and I need ur guidance.. not gift... not mercy...

Evocation

UNESCO, Madrid, Spain...
Here... where I'm now...

possibilities... responsibilities... contribution... evocation...

why?

why aren't I able to forget the forbidden rose....

Another day that I though everything is okay...

Harapkan pagar pagar makan padi...
Harapkan Matahari hujan jatuh ke bumi...
budi dibalas budi...
jasa di per sia..

helang mencengkam anak haruan...
dibuang isi di makan hati...

terang seterang bulan...
ada hari mengelap jua....


apakaha erti kehidupan ini...
tanpa cinta yang indah sejati...
apakah erti cinta sejati...
jika tiada tuan hamba di sini...

Where I was meant to be..

I'm here.. this me... there no where else on earth I rather be...
may be people say... this is not what I want...

Is not love that get me where I am now...
Is where I'm now that show me love...

to love and to be love is not an option... but is a privilege...
to kiss and to hold is not an action... but is a reaction of love...

this are the moment I thank God that I'm alive...
this are the moment I've been waiting for all my life...

I have all I've wanting for... and I could not ask for more...

u and I, we have different though... we have been broken...
lets follow our heart... and repair what we can...

Broken...

broken hearted...
vindicated...
devastated...
spellbounded..

speechless of what's going on...
but i will be strong to walk it through...
I hope love will always be with me...

Life, what's the meaning of it, if there are no one to share with...

Everybody wants something, just a little more...
We’re making a living, and what we’re livin for...
A rich man or a poor man, a pawn or a king...
You can live on the street, you can rule the whole world...
But you don’t mean one damn thing...

If you ain’t got someone, you’re afraid to lose...
Everybody needs just one, someone... to tell them the truth
Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I still believe...
I believe in hope, I believe the change can get us off our knees.

I don’t wanna have to talk about it...
How many songs you gotta sing about it...
How long you gonna live without it...
Why does someone somewhere have to doubt it...
Someday you’ll figure it out...

What do you got, if you ain’t got love...
Whatever you got, it just ain’t enough...
You’re walking the road, but you’re goin’ nowhere...
You’re trying to find your way home, but there’s no one there...
Who do you hold, in the dark of night...
You wanna give up, but it’s worth the fight...
You have all the things, that you’ve been dreamin’ of...

IF YOU AIN'T GOT LOVE AND SOME ONE TO SHARE WITH...

a moment like this....

Well when the time of trouble come...
I'm always at the edge...
this year had been a not so good luck year to me...
I found love but I let it passes me by....
I found trust yet I allowed the betrayal to sting me...
I found you but chase u away...

wierd...

life have been so funny and challenging towards me...

I went to grandpa grave this morning...
Talk to him...
funny he never reply...
spookier if he does...

Meet grandma...
missng those group of wecky fren I brought to meet her...
age-ing... ailing...
life, what's the meaning of it, if there are no one to share with....

Good bye past...

What Is Love?

Those Who Do Not Like It... Call It... Responsibility....
Those Who Play With It... Call It.... A Game...
Those Who Do Not Have It... Call It.... A Dream...
Those Who Understand It... They Call It..... DESTINY.....

I have no regrets...
I will never regret loving someone...
because the feeling of love for five minutes...
is greater than an eternity of hurt....

HAHAHA... I FOUND IT!!

Gosh I found this... what a classic...
My dear, s'moga happy disisi Husband tersayang (>.^)...

Parody...

In Life...
I've Fall In Love So Many Times...
But There Is Only Someone That Will Come..
To My Life...
That I Will Never Forget...
Even though She Is Not The One To Be My Lifetime Partner...
But She Will Be The One...
That Will Give Meaning To My Life...

I've Always Been Afraid...
Of Losing People...
I Cherish So Much...
But....
At Times I Keep Asking Myself...
"Is There Anyone Who Will Be Afraid Of Losing ME Too?"

I Have Learned...
To Give Love To All...
Not Because I Have Too Much...
But...
Because I Know The Feeling...
Of Not Having It...

My Rhapsody

I've written this rhapsody awhile ago. During the time of grief and sorrow. Most of all, it's a special feeling one could ever have.

Dazing in the dark...
In the middle of the nite...
Holding my heart...
Hope it was you I'm holding tight...

Is this the real life?
Or is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide...
No escape from reality....

When I look into your eye...
I can see love restrained...
But baby when I wanted to hold you...
Don't you know I feel the same...

I miss the time u call me out at nite....
We scream sing, we shout and we cried...
I thought it was a spark of a light...
I was lark in that September night...

I remember the flower in your hair...
I remember the time we spend and spare...
The star we gaze and glare...
The feeling when u flicker your hair...

Sometime I forget who I was...
when I'm with you...
but too bad close to you I never was....
I guess even until the time God asked me to pay my dues....

So, if you want to love me...
then baby don't refrain....
Or I'll just end up walking....
In the cold November rain....

The lost

Just received a phone call from my mum... 2 of the closes person in my life just pass away... Damn...life is short...

Cheated....

My goodness, I was cheated by the company I'm consulting...
Naive... darn... what to do... I'm easy to be cheated...
I so tired... (T_T)...

Stolen

My heart was stolen and never to be returned.
My love is frozen which once it was over burned.

over turned.

Words

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

Yesterday

Dunia terang menjadi gelita...
Cahaya indah tiada bergema...
Keluhan hatiku membawa derita...
Kini kau jua tak kunjung jelma...

Life some times could be so boring. When I'm alone and off my feet. In my heart always seek hope for changing. But yet I never lift my feet up from the grown. I feel like life so old. I feel like I could never let it go. I really hope that you could tell me what you wan from me. Before I disappear. I promise my heart sincere, because you the one I'm missing here. It such a dark dark place to be where I am now. Well at time, I wish we were together forever. Yet we are all over. At time you make me feel love. Most of the time you make me feel jealous. And it eats me up inside. I appologise if you ever hurt because of me. I just a human. Doing hes best to be at his best. Thou you bring jealousy into my life. I still fond you... I still love you... hope u get this crystal clear.... I'm just being me.

Present day

Night crawls out from the dark. Engulfs every nook and corner of my abode and the lights must recede. Darkness shall roam into the street and every inch of the land. So long and good night. As my mind trying to be at it's peace, question arise and clouded my head. "Doushitte...doushitte kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?" I have no idea why my though flown in to that direction. It hurt, it really hurt. Why must I still feel it. I guess is the human nature.

So many things happen lately. Doing my best not to think about it. I really wanted to tell some one "I TOLD U SO" but it doesn't worth doing it. Who am I to pull down other people. What is my status to them? Just let it go Kai. SO no matter how much I detest it. There will alway be love the save my day. SO I do my best to help. I will. I cross my heart. Coz what ever come next, is always UP.

Dear grandpa, I'm still holding on to it. I will make sure no body get hurt. Event thou it's hard for people to believe, but some eventually will. I promise not to let it hurt anyone. I PROMISE I'LL BECOME STRONGER. "Ikatnya lembu pada tali, Ikatnya manusia pada janji..."

My past...

Today, in the afternoon have the closing ceremony of teacher training. the weather was as breeze as afternoon beach. we were all happily talking bout achievement and out of a sudden. Mdm Ho was talking bout kids who are just counting time. I WAS ONE OF THEM.

It all happen years ago. I was in form 1. Things doesn't start well. My family isn't doing well in our finance. But we are happy. It all started of in this one fine day. As was in the class as usual. It was during Maths class, me and my flock of friends as usual chatty and braggy in the class. out of a sudden the teacher stood up and shouted at us... we were scolded like we do not have any dignity left in us... we were mock like we are some piece of shit. I can still remember his words clearly "kamu ni binatang yang kurang ajar, apa mak bapa kamu tak ajar kamu jadi manusia ka... atau mak bapak kamu ni anjing!"

I stood up and flip the table over. The whole class was in mass. We were detained. Since then, I hate teachers. I started to rebel. Playing truant, start smoking, fighting and involve in school gangster activities. I was in my darkest moment. Was known in school as "Geng Enam Jahanam".

Years gone by, 2008, I was in form 3 still being the bad as in my school. May came, as usual one of those unlucky day, doing wrong thing at the wrong time. I was caught smoking in the toilet. The next day I was sentences public canning. Reach home, my dad was waiting with a belt. I was in my doom state of mind. At that time, I hated life. I hated every thing that people love. I detest 'em all.

One fine day, my Principle walk pass me and saw me. What he did was call me to report to his office every single day after school. Life change, for once I felt love and being appreciated by some one. This man didn't even scold me. All he did was just teach me Math and English. He even give me a nick name, he call me BUDOK MILO. Why because ever time during break we will go have some drinks together and my favorite was Milo. That is when I got to know her... Aishah Fitriah Taib... the first love of my life... and that would be another story....