Sharing....

Well today, I bring my mum to the Orphanage House..
well actually it was my funcky idea...
My mum love drawings so much she draws beautiful portrait...
SO few month back I requested her to draw up some picture...
it's because there is this orphanage where I used to visited with my ex-gf needed donation...

well... so I tell my mum...
we have enough food to eat... place to we can called home..
but these kids don't have that privilege...
so I told her why don't we make a difference in this kids life...
well mum seem to agree with me for the first time...
so she draw...
the portrait was sold for approx. RM 300 each...
not much... but enough... :)

Mum was totally happy this morning...
seeing the children...
she even say some of them remind her of me...
hahahaha...

I'm 1 stubborn physco hahaha...
I love to see the laughter of children... it calm my wavy heart...

Avie....
they finally know how to sing "Kau Ilham ku"...
I really wish you and your future husband can go down and visit them...
they really miss you....
Principal Barbara was asking bout you... (^.^)

*sigh.... I forgot to bring my camera.... fon outta bat plak tue.... taik betul...

Xmas...

I just dun't understand the mentality of Malaysian...
Xmas is suppose to be a day of sharing and giving...
every one is excited about it...
but heck... all our society mentality could think of is having fun time and they don't wan to be alone...

Some even plan in advance what to do during Xmas...
Some wanna be with the love ones which is good...
Some just don't wanna be alone and wan companion to get through the nite...
Some just prefer to stay at home and sleep...

But non even think about lending hand and giving...
All our society ever think of is take take take...
when I was young I read a book by Charles Dickens...
it called the "Christmas Carol" which had been adopted to animation recently...

The learning I get from the book was...
Life is short and precious....
Money is not every thing... money can't buy love .. money can't buy life...
Life is about giving... not receiving....
and love is a form of gift... not materialistic kind of love....
Help the one needed the most....

Lovers buy thousands worth of diamond and pearl FOR NOTHING!!
while orphanage home needed thousands to feed the kids....
and yet they can still yell "Merry Christmas"... it bullshit!

Hey all you morons out there... wake up...
Father christmas first started christmas to help children with no parent...
children who needed help...
and 1 more thing to you all Christians out there...
who know nothing bout Christianity at all...
Jesus Christ was said to be born on the 25th Of Dec...

Brainless... heartless... selfish human being....

Heaven Know...

So many things in my mind now...
Can't help it... it keep repeating in my mind...
Doing my best to keep my mind and heart clear...
yet... it keep on hunting me...

Rick Price - Heaven Know

School Concert

Just finish helping En Azmi setup the freaking cool sound and lighting system...
Tired...

Need strength...

Please dearest supreme being...

Please shade light in all the teachers' heart...

Let us work together...

"AS A TEAM" not in a team or for a team!!!

===============================

G-pa, today I received a call from mum...
It's about grandma...
she had been in coma for a week....

yesterday the doctor advice our family to pull her plug... (T.T)
but they decided that I should make the decision because I'm paying all gma bills...
GPa.. I DUN WAN TO BE MURDERER...
why must this happen to me in one shot...
am i not patient enough dear God!!

Gpa... i'm tired... I can't think properly now...
one after another shit happen...
I'm tired...
I really am.... (T.T)

Still in school...

Well now I'm still in the school...
While waiting for the printing to stop...
I start writings...

Haiz... the war going on in place I workl are getting worse...
I'm not siding anyone...
this is what I hate about adult...
every one trying to out win every one...
every one is blaming any one...
What's going on???

Just look at our kids...
can't we adult learn something from them..
today they are rivals...
tomorrow they are friends...

damit...
I just hate it when I have to be nice to every one...
It's so uncomfortable inside...
the devil in me trying to get out...
anger... rage...

but I'm still controlling my anger... patient... patient...

G-Pa... I'm totally out of my mind now...
financially...all my money for my house need to channel it to Mum n Dad...
home... I don't have any place i can call home... my room is just like a hotel not...I come and go...
work.. somany rubbish are trown at me know....
health... well losing weight though...
Ko Leong is selling his condo... I'll be homeless soon....
work.... colleague...haiz... non of the people I know are passionate to be a teacher..
All I meet are pretenders ... it either they don't have a job of either they dun like their next job...

well I used to be one of those people... but G-Pa... G-Ma is hospitalize again..I'm worry...

my 2 year budget...lost...gone (T_T)...

Avie is getting married... well I'm happy for her.... A Shia is getting married too this december... haiz...

look at me know still stuck in the office printing the cert for the kids...

G-pa... I really hate being patient now...
If I just can punch that guy in the face...
kick that guy ass... I'll definitely do it...

when I started to hate this...memory of the kids eventually bring me back to my feet...G-Pa...
I donno what to do now... being a good guy is so hard....
Being fooled...being dumped...being lied.... being used....
hais...
.............
sorry to disturb u G-Pa... I so immorale now... I'm tired... my soul is lonely... even physically I'm not.....

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued,"What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...)

"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an IPod, Game Cube or movie rental.

You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

''I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn't everything.

I make them read, read, read.

I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life."

(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant... You want to know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE .

What do you make Mr. CEO?"
His jaw dropped, he went silent.

P/S She forgot to say 'I make future CEOs'

====================================================


Because of this mail send by a parent...
I give my promotion letter back to my CEO...
A while ago I send this mail to him...
To all you Pretending Teachers out there...
Stop pretending...
if you don't like to teach quit...
If you don't like to educate quit...
you selfish piece of what ever rubbish...

HYPOCRITE!!!

Confrontation.

The big bosses summoned me later in the afternoon...
There they were...
Six of them...
A latter was on the table...
in my heart "Are they firing me?"...

I never asked a single words...
They say do you wanna se the content of the letter...
I say "NO"...
I'll take it back and read it...

Till this moment the letter in still in my beg.... un touch....
Darn I hate this feeling............

WTF.... just let it be... I'll open it tomorrow... (=.=)

I'm tired....

Let it be?

Today I got a phone interview from a director, comedian, an artist...
The purpose was to bring me on board in cinematic and artistic field...
He like my songs... I still can't believe it... coz all this while I tot it was only crap....
He say i have a romantic singing voice ("O_o)... soft tone...
beside that, he invited me on board for his new movie have yet being name...

sound cool...
but by then I have to leave this wonderful place...

Like Cikgu say.. no matter how annoying my kids are...
a week without them... I will miss them... (T.T)...
I guess that's why I'm comfortable being a younger kids teacher...
I love to see children laugh... the smile... it look so wonderful...
so lively... no judgement... no hypocrisy... no fake...
they smile because that are genuine and happy...
Adults' world are so complicated...

Well I'm a digital artist...i have my own way of expressing it...
by the way he already bought one of my song...
It's called "Meriah"...
I wrote it when I was in Sedaya.. it was the children day...
every living soul is smiling.... happily...

by the way check out my new product.....




budokmilo.livejournal.com

Silence...

The night is dark...
I'm not as lucky as a lark...
I can hear the dog howling...
and my stomach start growling...
my neck still pain...
for the strain...
I guess this is how my life turned out to be...
miseries...

Science and Religion

Science without Religion is lame...
Religion without Science is blind...
If u are naked u should feel ashamed...
If u stop learning it means u died...

Chinese?

Well what make an empire so great during the age of empires?
1) Language
2) Culture
3) Scripting
4) Land
5) Society level?

Actually I just don't understand why people must look up so high at the west....
especially why must one have a Christian name?
Weather u are or u are not Christian why do u must have one?

Especially among the chinese who are so called trying to preserve the mandarin and chinese culture... but hey... u have such a pretty name like Lee XiaoMing.... the u suddenly go and change it to Bruce Lee....

Which reminds me of my primary teacher, Her name is Huang YiFern.... once she scolded me (in mandrine) "Liang Jie, you are a chinese, how come u never pass your own language? and excel so well in other language."...that time I was young...I was poor... the reason I was send to school is to learn... what kind of message she trying to send...

But what funny the most is, by uttering those words and she still called herself a person who "worship chinese" when she change her name to Mary Huang...it' s a joke of a life time.

Hello...it's ur name... when u die people will remember it.... when I die I wan people to remember me by my name OOI LENG KAI.... not john .... Rambo... or what ever rubbish...

even worse coming from a mouth of a person who study chinese as a major....and teach some more.....what a joke of a life time... where the love for your own CHINESE name.... the name your parent give... name is a gift... no mater how bad it is... it's ur name....

Personally I dun care... wether u wanna put arabic name or indian name or what ever... don't u think that we are fond to the west rather then more to ourself... night clubs... bars liquor... partying like nobody business.... I like all of this... but the question is why are we so worship them...
Is this what modernization mean??
some people talk about modernization and some talk about civilization...
and most talk about globalization....

Too many argument... no right no wrong.. just for us to pondering.... so tell me: a person who so called trying to preserve the his/hers culture, tradition and culture... suddenly have other culture name what does that make him... a hypocrite??

me?? I love who I am.... But I respect other culture... I go to most to listen to the "kuthbah".... I go to church to listen to the "sermon"... I go the the monastery to listen to the "teachings"...

we are human... what we are... we are as perfect as we are....

p/s:
I haven't seen in any religion that force one to change his/her name when one convert to it....
so u can keep ur birth name actually....

This is me...

ct sean,
someone might take advantage of me...
and I'll be stupid..
and hurt myself for I dont know how to say "no"?

Let them take advantage of me.....
I'm always being hurt....
and I'll never say 'no' if I can...

Because only then...
I know who are my friends...
and who are the pretenders...

A friend will help... not just say it...

Drifted...

nanda~
It 441am
The feeling so weird...
my heart beat is pounding fast and slow at the same time...
my head is grumbling and my ming ins not intact...
I need inspiration...
Time is running out...

Betrayed...

How could this happen...
How could this be...
The person I trusted most....
Had betrayed me...

In front of me u were my friends...
but behind me u are trying to destroy me...
where did I go wrong...
I lost a friend...
some where along in the bitterness...

life...

budokmilo.livejournal.com

Friend... Colleague... Work...

It's tiring to be Independent and Strong all the time...
Sometimes I just feel like being 'Spoiled'..
or turn into 'Cry Baby'...

That's y we have friendz...

K- a friends I know a year ago... out going... cool... love football... He is a very helpful guy.. but sometimes... he will disappoint me.. un-intentionally... over and over again... being me I still forgive for his mistake...

I- Same with K, we hang out a lot together... coz may be we are the only young and out going guy there... I since he is physically attractive... It always happen that there are rumors bout him with the opposite sex... over and over again... being me if I don't see it with my own eye it will always be a rumors... but there are 1 incident that create doubt in me... but still... no solid prove...

J - call himself CNN, he is the guy most people are afraid of because of his mouth... and secret digging skill... lots of times I heard from other people the he talk bad bout me... but i didn't hear it for myself... so i consider it as a rumors... even thou there I know he is fond to those kinda stuff... haiz still we are together talking crab....

P - the person i respect and admire most... a leader like no other... but lately i saw him so tired and warn off... pale... JIK say I'm too loyal to him when I told them my decision... but inside of me... the conflicts are there... but decision had been made!

back then we are such a energetic freak...
but now the environment here slow us down...
dragging every inches from our body down...
and draining every ounce of our energy out....

End of this year I will be the only UMS Kelantaneese Chinese Assoc. 2004 member who are still bachelor... furthermore I'm the founder of this association... and darn my junior will definitely may be put it into their year book (=.=).. again the year book will some how fly back to Kelantan and reach my parent hand... and Nagging Platinum Version will start to execute....

Haiz... I can't blame them... because the culture had been there for centuries...

what make Chinese a Chinese??
Izzit the language??
izzit the food??
izzit the tradition??
izzit the cloth??
or religion??
or izzit our blood the run through our vien?

language... now day not only chinese speak mandarin so does it make them chinese.... religion some of ould chinese custom are not inline with certain religion... so which factor make us chinese???

There are somany races in this tremendous world.... but to me most important of all is that there are only 1 race....

they are called.... THE HUMAN RACE.... not Amazing Race... (>.^)

Holding On...

http://budokmilo.livejournal.com/

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out


I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

Hypocrisy...

Dear annonymous thank for leaving a message on my blog...
Well I respect your point of view...
What ever happen between me and Yunnie is called fate...

======================================

Am I hypocrite?
Trap in the world of damnation...
Surviving in suffocation...
Cough between the greed of human nature...
And cry in the mist of salvation...
To many question...

Pursuit of perfection in life...
The samurai dedicated their life in perfecting the way of bushido...
Bruce Lee dedicated his whole life in perfecting his martial art skill...
Michael Jackson dedicated his life in perfecting his every performance...

ME?
Spending my whole life whining about being fat...
Complaining my whole life about load of work to be done...

If your ask me to leave something of some one...
It take me a life times to do that...
coz the sentimental value in me...
memory of the love one are properly stored in my head...

Traveling is alway my joy...
but family is always my 1st choice...
no wonder I never succeed...
like the jedi say...
attachment lead to the torturing of the soul....

I wan to leave this place and not thinking about anything...
find the missing link in my soul...
that tormented me between the realm of reality and my dream...
I wanna fly in the air without any string attached...
I wanna dive in to the deep blue ocean and witness the beauty of life...

but yet i'm here tight up by my work....
stuck in the middle....
alcohol and smoke are just temporary medicine...
and it'll kill me softly...

I hate being the good guys...
following orders....
helping others....
Sometime I just hope I can be the bad guy in the movie and just do what bad guys do best...
being soulless....
being heartless....

but i can't..... and it is painful....

王傑 - 一場遊戲一場夢

http://budokmilo.livejournal.com/

Sorry Dinner

I pick up my mom last nite from the airport...
All the way back home she nag... (=.=)...haiz...

Today Open Day in school...
Yet another headache day...
Can't walk properly today...
as my leg bone fractured from the accident on stage...
during the P6 BitterSweet Party... but the party was awesome...

For today...
I need to invigilate the Basic Entry Test fro P1...
Some how my heart pounded very fast when I see the kids...
I feel very excited to see them in school next year they are such a bunch of wonderful being...
pure... innocent... and lively....

where we adults are just too hypocrite... pretender... and materialistic...

This children give me hope when other fail..
This children give me life when other took it away...
This children give me lot of love when I don't have one...
Seeing their smile giving me a peaceful mind...
I'm always happy when they surrounded me with laughter and joy...

I've lost hope to this world....
To us human...
Have sex... have fun...
bring a child to the world...
but finally u abandon them!!

Later in the afternoon...
I went back early to buy some grocery for tonight's dinner (sorry dinner with all my cousin) @ Tropicana carefour...
I saw my coursemate... she is with a different guy this time...
may be God wil.... I some how invited her for a drink after the boyfriend left her for his work...

we chat... she ask about her ex...I didn't say much...
She confessed that she like to have sex with different guy she felt "handsome"...
I was totally spell bounded...
If she was my sister, how would have I reacted??
if she was my gf or wife, how would I have reacted??
if she was my daughter??

Personally... she happy with that... so is that wrong??
It give her her pleasure.... is that wrong??
She even say that she had sex with a nigerian which is her best sex ever..... so is that wrong?
Well in the end of the conversation she say
"Back then if not you are dating Avie... we cold have been on bed together..."
I was so damn freaking numb when I heard that...
I pay the bill and then excuse myself politely...

the world... is such a complicated simplicity...

I just wish it could be much more simpler...
so that I need not deal with this feelings and emotion which is to me troublesome most of the time...

I'm very fragile... I'm very sensitive and detail.... yet could be very forgetful too sometimes...... (>_^)

http://budokmilo.livejournal.com/

Happiness??

What does happiness mean to you?
Have lot of money??
Have lot of friends??
Have lot of property??
Have what ever you wan to have??
What is happiness???

I really don't know...
But...
I'm happy when I get what I wan... but it's just for a while...
I'm happy when I have lot of friends... but I'm not when they are not around...
I'm happy to have some one special to love... but my heart broken when she left...
I'm happy to see others smile... but grow sad when they cry...

so...
what is happiness...

every one is in pursuit of one...
does being with some one beautiful make me happy...
does being with some one ugly make me happy...

how long can that happy feelings sustain??

Complicated Simplicity......

I'm not a rich kid but... I'm happy... because I work hard to get what I wan...
I always being dump by girls... but I'm happy... because it reaches me more about love...
I'm not the heat in the crowd... but I'm happy... because each passing day it make me realise even more of my nerdiness...

Kai

Way Back Into Love

[Verse 1]
(Drew Barrymore)
I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

(Hugh Grant)
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

[Chorus]
(Both)
All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
Oooooh.

[Verse 2]
(Drew Barrymore)
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

(Hugh Grant)
I've been looking for someone to she'd some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

[Chorus]
(Both)
All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

[Middle-eight]
(Drew Barrymore)
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

[Chorus]
(Both)
All I wanna do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

The Past I Long Forgotten

THERE IS NO EMOTION; THERE IS PEACE....
THERE IS NO IGNORANCE; THERE IS KNOWLEDGE....
THERE IS NO PASSION; THERE IS SERENITY....
THERE IS NO DEATH; THERE IS THE FORCE....
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU....

Belated Buffday - 3/11

you call to invite me to your place...
remember that today was a memory that can't be erase...
you say the phrase of separation...
left me in doubt and desperation...
I wonder why it was left empty that night...
when i can u just say good night...

years have past we are now friend...
in a distance we are still connected in the end...
we depart in our own path way...
embark on a journey that come what may...
you left for my obsession on my work...
you claim it was the feelings that'll never work...

but now this had change... on your side... I just hope mine would to....
it is work that now keeping from the soreness... of wanting to be with some one else...

but this is not the life wanted...
all I wan is a some one to share the ups and downs...

as u say
we don't fall in luv with other people;
we fall in luv with the feelings we get when we are with them:
the emotional awakening,
the warm & full of hope,
the joy,
the feeling of completeness & thrill...

I hope that day come easy, and the moment pass slow...
and each road lead you where you wanna go...
and if u face with a choice and you have to choose...
I hope u choose the one that mean the most to you....

I wish you Happy Belated Buffday... (>_^)

p/s
I really cry in the rain ba that night ;P...
ui serius ba masa tue...
sapa suroh ko tinggal kan sia tanpa apa apa message... hahaha.... (^.^)

budokmilo.livejournal.com

Thank You....

Yesterday...
As my life seems so far away....
Yesterday...
I was very tired...
Still suffering from my allergy...
Yet, I put my leg forward to work...
My head was heavy.... my heart is totally outrage...

Some how for the safety of my children...
I beg my body to endure...
with 1000mg of vit C and a cereal bar...
I manage to stay alive for a while...

later on... as my body turn weaker...
a sudden burst of energy flow into my body...
making sure all my children arrive safely...
some cry... come cheer... I'm so happy to be here...

once i reach the school...
I'm flat in my bos office.... (>_^)

Never Gonna Be Alone-Nickelback

To you...

Good Will Haunting

I’m tired…
just tired of all the things that are happening...
I got lost somewhere between the truth and the lies that keep on haunting me..

I might lost my sanity…

And lost everything…

I just got wind up in the world of perplexity wherein I have to face my greatest enemy, myself…
and to challenge the remaining hope and love I have to continue on living in this cruel world…

And I’m just too exhausted…
And I can’t stand being like this…

Should I just take a seat and let everything passes me by...
or just let the one hope of love in my heart go...

If you love something... you always... always hope for the best for it...

don't force it... just let it flow... and flow with it slowly...
don't rush...
respect....
free....
and care.......

Some time a lil hope in fairy tale should be adopted in life.... (>_^)

haiz..

(T.T)

Fak.. I really dun understand the feelings roam and lingering inside of me now....

a state of confusion...

a messy mind...

dammit something wrong here but yet it feel so right...

I wish to empty my thought...

I can't... coz I'm good in keeping it...

Baga......

What The Hell Is Going On?

What the hell! what the hell!

Apart of having a good day this morning everything shaterd this evening...

It's all my fault I guess...

It's all started with a conversation which I had with the guy before our movie...

Well we were talking bout girls...

Suddenly friend 1 ask

"Eh, why each time we are around X she seems like ignoring you? "

Guy 2

"Ya lar I notice that too... not just once... almost every time...."

me

"Really? I'm just too quite I guess u guys talk more...."

Guy 1

"eh no lah... serious.... we didn't went out that much offen oso... I notice that ler... I tot u and her keluar together-gether"

Well kind of think about it... well I guess hm...I dunno... well I notice that when they raise up this thing... hm ...ya sort of...I dunno.... even when she is around her bunch of colleague with my present I do feel like being cast aside....

well it doesn't matter.... suddenly y heart was a bit unease, so I text her up asking bout what happend this morning....

well her reply was she wasn't comfortable with some words I say... okay...so I ask her what...

well she ask me to guess... haiz....

So it all end up with my confession of liking her... it's not like I'm stalking her or something...or may be even buy her diamon ring or something.... I know my ability and limit... and I know how I look....

And she say that I do "something more than that?" what did I do??? my head is in total mess now!!! haiz...what did i do that make people so irritating!!!! dear what ever God that existed why was I tested in such a way....... dammit!!!

Suddenly another text come in... say something like "i don't wan to take advantage of you just because you like me?".... ??????? I'm not in a position to judge.... but what u resist persist.... which mean if one denying that they are not taking advantage well in natural fact they do... man... I really don't know what going on right now....

FUCK!!! what the hell did i get my self into... sorry grandpa.... I can stand it any more.... what did i done wrong!!!!! I just offer my sincere help... and FUCK it turn out this way... W@#$!@#$@#$@#$@$@~